The Power of New Socks

Did you know, that there is one feeling that can stop war, make enemies friends, get mustard stains out of jeans, and cause me to cartwheel uncontrollably?

This feeling is so powerful. It's uplifting, like church music. It kills camels--yes, that good.


This feeling is the feeling of NEW SOCKS. I once bought 24 pairs of new socks, and for that whole month, I got to wake up, shower, and put on a brand new pair of black, low-cut socks. I don't know what it is...The never-before-stretched elastics? Is it the (lack of) smell? The way the slide effortlessly across my floors? Well, dear friends, the answer is: all of the above.


And here's the kicker. You'll probably do better on tests, go for longer walks, and make more friend. It's just a proven fact that wearing new socks increases your chances of everything good happening to you!


Do yourself a favor. Go buy some new socks. You'll thank me later.

Go solve the world's problems, Obama! You can do it with NEW SOCKS!