Rules For Deleting Facebook Friends

SO you're looking through your friend list, inviting people to your ugly sweater christmas party, open house, or concert, and your brain hurts from trying to filter through your contacts, carefully avoiding elementary school friends, people from other countries, and awkward ex-girlfriend's ex-friends who you never really liked anyways. It brings up a very important question: When is it okay to delete facebook friends? Because to insult someone you don't want to be friends with anyways: what a horrible thing to do.

Well my friend Marya has grappled with this question for some time, and eventually developed a set of guidelines that made her feel better about friend purging. Legend has it she once deleted 200 friends in one sitting, so she knows how it's done right. Listen up, and you too can become fake-friend-free in no time. And I quote:

"if at least 2 of the following are true...

a) we've never spoken since they added me (via facebook or in person)
b) I don't recognize the name within 10 seconds
c) when I go to their page, I also don't recognize their face
d) we never had any kind... of relationship BEFORE they added me
e) they're not family
f) they probably wouldn't notice for many months, if ever, that we're no longer friends
g) I feel nauseous when any kind of news feed from this person shows up on my page
h) I DON'T KNOW THEM
i) we're friends through someone else ONLY... and would avoid eye contact if that mutual friend were not present

... it likely doesn't make sense that we're facebook friends."

I can easily name at least 5 people for any option. But if I deleted all of them, i'd have about 22 friends on facebook, give or take 19. Soooo I'll just let it be. Also, please don't read this and defriend me. Not cool. My ego can't take it.