Don't hate me.

Angry. Not A Good Day. Don't Want To Talk.

I am NOT happy. It's mostly unjustified, but almost every article in the paper and every customer at safeway tonight is just grating on my nerves. I want so badly to rant about government's insincerity, the naive public who thinks that will ever change, and stupid people who aren't worth the food they buy at safeway--even though it's on sale--- DO NOT TAKE THE BOTTOM APPLE FROM THE STACK. WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN? And how can you possibly be mad at ME for that? Go home. Your kids need help, if basic physics boggles you.


Don't read the following rant. Now you've been warned.



I want to rant about religion. Holy hell, what is wrong with people? I drove past a church today, and like so many churches, they have those obnoxious signs that are supposed to show inspiring messages. This particular message read:

" 'Last time things were this bad, I sent a Flood'

-God"

Hey Church--Screw you! God didn't say those words, you said them. You wanna put words in God's mouth now? Who gave you that right? Or did God actually write that on the wall of your church in front of the preacher? Pics or it didn't happen. That's a really disgusting marketing scheme, too. Stick to the bible! Don't go Catholic on us and try and instill fear in the passing drivers so that maybe we'll pop in next sunday and pray to God that he doesn't send another flood.

I can just imagine all the church goers throwing out an 'amen' as they walk past the sign into church. Gross. Reminds me of the time I saw a whole congregation convinced there used to be giants because archeologists found 'really big beds' and so then it must be true. Everyone nodded and smiled, utterly and pathetically convinced. I don't care if there were giants. Maybe there were. But don't be convinced by a sermon where the pinnacle of proof is big beds. Beds. That marked the end of religion in my life.

Don't Confuse Religion with Spirituality. Don't confuse Church with God. Entirely different.

There's things we'd all like to believe are true about God. But don't even think for one second you actually KNOW anything about him. What you've got is called a hunch. Or faith..which is holding on to something in the absence of knowledge. 

I better stop now before I say what's really on my mind. I'm not out to insult anyone.If you feel insulted by this, then that would mean you disagree with something I've said, and that's not my issue. That's yours.

Awkward.../Poor Conversation Topics/California/Christmas Might Not Be The Worst Thing Ever/Twilight You Make Me Vomit

we haven't really talked recently, as it's been a while, and you're probably questioning our relationship...And I don't want there to be this awkward silence or anything. But by suggesting I'm avoiding an awkward silence probably just created one. Gah. I can't win. What now? Let's just let it pass.


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Okay? I guess now... I'm breaking the ice by confessing that absolutely nothing blogworthy is going on in my life.

>I don't care about Tiger Woods. You next door neighbor has probably done worse. And you've probably cracked a joke about this that is socially more retarded than what your neighbour did. So quiet down.

> I know of several sports trades that people are appalled by: again, I don't even want to waste my time with this. I've got my own life to live, nonblogworthy as it is.

> The weather is probably the weakest form of small talk, so let's suffice to say it's winter and get over the fact that there's snow and cold outside..unless you live in California, in which case I can't even comprehend what it's like. Please tell me wonderful stories.

Listen, last night I was trying to get home from spending time with friends and there were cops and I may or may not have been speeding slightly and they didn't stop me as I drove by their hidden radar. They didn't even flash their lights..or give chase...or use a spike strip. HUGE let down to my adrenaline glands, HUGER relief to my conscience and/or bank account. Crazy luck. Karma, I'd like to think :-)

Tonight I spent a wonderful evening with friends at a gathering that was termed a 'Christmas Party' and it was fantastic. In admiration for this evening, the wonderful people, gifts, wine, food, and laughter, I'm NOT going to publish a massive post I had lined up about how Christmas Is This God-Awful Thing That's Really Just Brainwashing You Into Mall-Wandering-Capitalistic-Mindsets Even Though You Think You Have Really Just Discovered The Meaning Of The Season, Because In The End Your Priorities Are Skewed And Should Be Doing Something More Productive With Your Money.

---There's a good side to all this christmasy kafuffle, no doubt.

Perhaps we should just stick to the good parts; I don't want your obligatory gifts.---

Exams are pretty much done (I'M FINISHED!), we can all catch up on sleep (I SLEPT LAST NIGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL!), and most of you are waaaay behind on all your 'meaningful' shopping, so let's just get on with it and have some fun.

" Hahaha suckers the mall is the worst right now I went today and totally

punched some guy because he took the last copy of twilight!!!!!! "

Heck no. That's a lie. Screw Twilight and every single one of you that tries to make it a conversation topic. I'd rather go back to talking about the weather. At least the weather is not perverted or hormonal. Not even vampires suck the life out of me as much as you talking about them. You are wrong. Quiet.
But the mall did suck today. That much is true.
And I bet someone got punched over that book/movie/lifestyle today, too.

Please write me a good story to make up for my lack of interestingness. Thanks.

H1Nwhat?

You'll probably hate me after this. That's okay. Swine flu will getcha.

I don't know whether to be outraged or to double over laughing at this situation-- whole Swine Flu thing. I would like to make a bet with someone who is getting the flu shot. If you get the flu, you owe me $100.55. However, if I, the unvaccinated wreckless guy gets the flu, i'll pay you $100.55. The odds are even because there's so little chance of the vaccination helping you, that our chances still remain pretty much equal! So I'll gladly come to you on your "deathbed" and remind you of our little bet. But because when you wake up the next morning suddenly feeling a lot better, you'll be able to write me that cheque without shaky writing. And Yes, I want cheque. It's more dramatic.

 Let's just stop and think about this. Or tell you what, go get in line for the shot, and  read this while you wait for three hours.  From personal experience, the one time I got a a flu shot was the same season I got the flu twice. I think this 'pandemic' is a joke. A sick, sick, joke (HAH. get it? sick?). Oh a pandemic will come, eventually-- the joke is thinking you can be 'immune' to it.

I'm not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, but remember back in the '80s (no, I wasn't alive either), there was a swine flu scare then, too. More people ended up dying from the vaccine than from the strain that the vaccine was protecting you against. So..that means it worked right? I mean, no one got the flu! :D yay...!

Good thing we aren't rushing the development process and we'll get the vaccine right this time around, eh? OH. WAIT. Did you ever think this whole thing might have been created by pharmaceutical companies ? Did you know about 500,000 people die every year of the regular flu viruses that circulate the globe? But you don't want numbers.  Facts? Hah. Please.

The real pandemic right now is fear. (Quote that.) And fear is a valuable thing to a lot of people. Some Suits and Big Wigs stand to make a buck when enough of the population herds like sheep and buy buy buy. In this case, it's your tax dollars paying for your vaccinations. Are you aware that the Canadian government bought FIFTY MILLION doses from a pharmaceutical company. Wait, hold on a sec while I do a head-count of Canadians...

Hmm.. hey guys, we seem to be missing a few million people...like 15 million of them. Oh--no wait, as it turns out, uber-paranoid moms are so gung-ho that they figured they better get TWO just to be "EVEN SAFER, right? RIGHT!?"

The following is a transcript of the Canadian government contacting Australia to order the shot:

Canada: Yes, Hi, Australian pharmaceutical company CSL Ltd? Hey, buddy. It's Canada. We'd like some of that stuff you got.

Australia: Yeah man, how you been? Yeah I got some for you. It's good quality, this time, for sure..for sure. Sorry 'bout the last time, you know? But that's just how drugs go sometimes. You can get a nasty trip, or smooth sailing? Right?

Canada: No worries. It's all just for a good time anyways. So what do you got for me this time?

Australia: Well, man, I got a couple choices for you. There's one with an immune system booster, or one without.

Canada: well, why did ya make one without?

Australia: ..We aren't really sure if the immune booster (adjuvants) is safe for pregnant people or kids. But hey man, it's all good.

Canada: Hm..but the other one is safe for sure?

Australia: DUDE. IT'S DRUGS. Why you gettin all panicky on me?! You don't trust me? HUH?

Canada: I trust you! :-/

Australia: HUH? DO YOU?

Canada: Um--ye-yeah! I'll take it.

Australia: Man you freakin me out. Calm down. It's all good.

Canada: uh--thanks dude.sorry.

Australia: Good. How much you want?

Canada: um bout 30 million?

Australia: THIRTY Aw HELL no you want FIFTY, you hear? Don't make me come find you! AND YOU ORDER BOTH TYPES TOO!

Canada: Okay! We'll take f-f-fifty million! Please don't hurt me!

I guess I just think it's sad that we're gonna have to convert the Walmart into a mass funeral home after everyone gets their shot and then thinks they're safe, and then the side effects kick in. The regular burial services will be all booked up.

And the Walmart greeters will say: "Aisles one through nine for little boys and old people, ten through 20 for the girls and pregnant moms. Here, have a smiley face sticker!" 

And if that's the case, I know a lot of university students who will have to find free parking elsewhere since the parking lots will be full. That's a cryin shame.

PS...you know what's IN these vaccines and how they tested them, right?

Or..we could realize that we are actually killing each other faster through violence and bad driving and not wearing helmets and getting hit by SUVS (idiots) faster than this H1N1 is getting us, so it's not worth the panick. Don't believe a thing I say, but at least look into the data of that vaccine you stick in your arm. Not that propoganda, fear mongering BS. Check out the side effects, see who gets affected most by them. Don't just follow.

So the joke is this: We're all gonna die if that's how the virus decides it's gonna be, or the flu shot can work and we'll all survive this round..until the virus (or cancer, or AIDS, or a famine...or aliens) comes back even harder to curb our population numbers. We are out of control.

Either way, you don't get the last laugh.

I wish I'd invested in that pharmecutical company, hey? Then even if I die from this flu, I could at least die on a nice island somewhere, pukin my guts out on the beach instead of a cold, dank bathroom in Canada.

Ah..pass the ColdFX and a pina colada, please!

Bring it, I say. I won't ask God "why" when some pandemic sweeps through. There's too many of us, and nature seeks balance to correct our selfish populating. That's the way the world goes round.

Thoughts?

Man, I'm tired of bad drivers

Every day, I bike to school. And every day, when I go to make a left turn, the oncoming traffic stops to let me by. People, just so you know: THIS IS WRONG. I do NOT have the right of way. KEEP DRIVING. Don't try and be nice..think about all the smarter people behind you who don't expect you to stop to let someone else go. If you don't have a stop sign, don't stop! When these roads get icy, and a car unexpectedly stops because for some stupid reason they think a guy on a bike has the right of way, someone is going to have to slam on their breaks behind you and your car won't be so pretty anymore when they bash into you. And I will point and laugh and tell you you deserve it. But the guy behind you didn't. So that's not fair.


One of these times when a car stops, I'm going to bike right in front of it, lean my bike on his hood, and knock on his/her window and give them a polite but stern lecture about the rules of the road.

Make sure you know the driving rules wherever you live. Winter is a crazy time, and yet I don't blame the ice for all the crashes.

Dear world,

Don't be dumb.

-Josh