Christmas!

You're not going to believe this.

Right now, at 12:08 am on December 25th, I am sitting on my parents couch in the living room. The fireplace is on, and the Christmas tree is glowing. The dog picks at a scab. And suddenly, my mom comes down the stairs, arms full of toys. "You can't see me" she says.

But I can. And I am absolutely apalled. I was desperately clinging to one last glimmer of hope that a creepy old hairy man who only owned one shirt systematically broke into billions of people's houses around the world leaving toys built by 'little people' that violate patents galore as they create exact replicas of popular toys for crazed kids who refuse to go to sleep.

But alas! It was my MOM doing all these things. Can you believe it?! MY MOM comes to everyone's houses and drops off toys! You can buy me dinner this week, and I'll put in a good word for you for next year. It's never too early to suck up. I like steak.

Also, I love hearing everyone say "I'm going to go do some wrapping." because I think of 'Rapping' and immediately picture them as a black gangsta bustin' a move on the stage while astonishing the crowd with an incredible 'words per minute' count.

I need to go eat more of my grandmother's baking now. Yeaa this is the life. Enjoy the holidays guys.

Memory: Slowly, It All Will Fade To Black.

Some random mumblings on the idea of memory, the past, time, and forgetting. 

Why they concern me today? I don't know.

 

 _________________________________________________

I want / I'm waiting for / How can I find

something new / something forgotten / something lost

___________________________________________

Me: Grandma, one day soon, I'd like you to tell me the story of your life.
Grandma: Well, usually they tell that story at the funeral.

Me: ...I'd like to hear it before then.

_____________________________________________

A recollection of a girl:

When a memory loses the war with time

I've lost all that once was mine.

When the little things are forgotten
(but surely there were little things, right?)

When she has forgotten that there were the little things
(Vague, dim, hazy...)
When she forgets that she has forgotten.
 (Damn it, Time, what is left for us?)

What's worse than forgetting?--

Losing physical traces of what she remembers.

Losing the people who share her memory.

Losing people to time, to distance.

The people I shared those memories with:

When they forget

and I forget

Then suddenly, it's like it never happened.

There's nothing like living in the past,

Always with her head turned around

looking the other way.

It hurts her after a while.

The present is just a single fleeting breath

between where she will go

and the place she just left

It is of little use, since her past led her here

and her future will lead you away,

 Nothing more than a reference point to gauge her next step

A chance to pause, and:

to forget what never mattered, to love and regret what did,

to focus on what hasn't happened yet,

The challenges she has not met.

The future-

so uncertain!

And yet to fear it is so irrational

Passion is a better fuel than fear, no doubt.

For if a turned head led me in here-

to this cave of craving something I once knew,

then perhaps forgetting will lead me out?

Then let it go:

The good, the bad, that longing for that which I've never had.

And grab hold:

Something new, something better, something true.

And allow the memories to wither, as the many become the few.

I Miss My Sister

My younger sister, Teja, has been gone three months as part of an exchange trip. She just left Quebec, and now she's off to Mali for the remaining three months. The wonderful picture of autumn was taken by her before she left for Africa. Teja is one of those people who consistently shows me up in everything, including academics. She is super hard working, too wise, and a great friend. We need more people like Teja in our lives, that's for sure. But she ain't dead, she's just saving the world one day at a time. So let's stop talking like it's a freakin' eulogy.

Instead, let's make fun of her.

Ah yes...there's the Josh we know.

A long while back (three years ago?), we were taking care of our two much-younger siblings, and had just finished putting them to bed. She, of course, did most of the work, and I did whatever I felt like. In this case, it was playing Playstation. Anyone else have trouble pausing Turok to do chores?

"Hey, Teja," I said, as she came down the stairs after putting the kids to bed, "The dog needs to go out." I almost never refer to the dog by its name, Ginger, for fear that it might think I like it. And to think I spent HOURS arguing with my parents when I was 10 about how it was terribly unfair and outright dumb that we couldn't have a cute widdle puppy dawg to pway wif when we gots home from book-learnin'. But that fad died and the dog lives on. So here we are, 8 years later, and I don't even want to walk outside and watch it pee. Can ya blame me?

Sshh.

"Josh, you take her out. I'm going to feed her after."

"Nah..you can take her out too. I'm busy."

"I have a TON of homework to do and dishes aren't done yet!"

"Ok," I sighed. I can be reasonable. "Tell you what. We'll flip a coin. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose. Aight?"

"...fine. But if I win, you're feeding her--and doing the dishes too."

"Ok."

And so I flipped that quarter and let it land right on the floor so she would know I hadn't rigged this in any way.

"Tails. You lose."

"Gah!" she said, as she went to grab a leash.

I chuckled to myself evilly as I realised I was getting away with this.

(If you haven't figured this out already...this joke's on you too)

As she's heading out the door, she throws a glance at me and sees my suspicious smile. Her eyes widen and she gasps. "Wait a minute!"

Oh no, I thought. She's figured it out.

She walked towards me with an outstretched hand, brows furrowed. "Let me see both sides of that coin!"

Miss you lots!

Also...

*~^~^~50th Post~^~^~*

Booya.

My Awesome Brother

Today I went home (where my parents live?) for dinner. I didn't realise how rarely I actually do this until I got there. Ishan really wanted me to play with him (pretty much the norm when I visit) and we were tired of playing hockey on playstation. So after dinner, I convinced him to sit down and play piano with me. At first he looked at me like I'm an idiot, "Josh, I don't know how to play piano!"

"I know, but we'll just make stuff up. Please?"

So I sat him beside me on the bench and we experimented. we found notes that sounded great together, and notes that sounded terrible. It was so fascinating to watch his little mind work, and it filled me with so much love and appreciation for Ishan and all his brilliance. He immediately recognized dissonant groups of notes and the more harmonious ones. within seconds of me explaining octaves, he understood and could find every C on the piano. he noticed the patterns of the white and black keys, and listened as he slowly brushed his hand from one end of the piano to the other. It really was a beautiful moment, as we both observed the simplicity of the sound as if for the first time. And then he was ready. I played the first six notes of Happy Birthday. "Let me try," he said. We then spent the next 45 minutes learning the whole song. He was eager to learn, and after he learned each of the four lines, he'd make everyone listen while he performed it. It was amazing to watch him struggle and get confused and almost make it all the way through only to mess up and demand to start over from the beginning. Shanaya and Jonalyn sang along. I just found it so beautiful to watch him learn and push himself. To actually watch knowledge and understanding form in a child's brain is pretty incredible. Especially when it happens so quickly. I think he really enjoyed playing too. He decided he wants to practice it so he can play it for me on my birthday. When he finally made it all the way through, we both smiled and high-fived. I'm super proud of that kid.

P.S. Playstation is pretty lame compared to moments like these.