The Crunching Of Leaves

I didn't really make plans with anyone today. Which is normally not a big deal, but this week has been a grand series of highs and lows and twists and turns. And no one likes to go on a roller coaster alone. Actually, I don't even like roller coasters.

I went for a slow walk with no destination in mind, and it turned out to be somewhat meditative. I walked along the very edge of the sidewalk, where all the windswept and yellowing leaves collect as they begin to fall from the trees. Every step became very rhythmic as one foot would land on concrete and the other would crunch the leaves. Such a satisfying feeling. It's like audible progress; every stride takes me further into who-knows-what. But the endpoint is not the reason I'm walking. It's for that crunch of every meaningful step forward.
Sounds like a metaphor.

I'm definitely a people person. I go crazy pretty quickly when I'm alone. It's not necessarily that I don't like silence, or that being alone makes me think about things that I'd rather glaze over with meaningless conversation. I could thoroughly enjoy that same walk if someone was walking along beside me in silence, making sporadic comments about a well kept tree on the left, or a old lady contentedly raking leaves on the right. Just sharing that random experience with someone can be rewarding for me. You know the way kids are with grown-ups, that they can say anything and it wouldn't be a big deal...but they just talk about the simple stuff.



Fall is an interesting time, isn't it? We go back to school, slightly pessimistic in a way, because we can't say things like "I'm so excited for summer!". We know that we are getting back into that grim life of homework and exams and studying. It can only get colder and grayer from here. After such a high which we call summer, it can be a bit depressing. But at the same time, going to school means meeting new people, learning and doing new things. We start playing our favorite sports in the mornings; we develop that routine. We have a chance to be productive again. It's almost like the death of summer is more or less a rebirth for people. September is that fresh start. It's optimistic in that sense, right? That 'go get em' attitude seems to prevail.

I feel that certain numbness coming on again, though. Like I'm about to 'check out' and coast on through. This last week was a week of grand possibility, one might say. But as we hit the weekend and head into the next week, it feels like we're a on that hamster wheel. On and on and on. Round and round. Maybe in your own way, you can relate. Because I'm sure this seems extremely vague.

What is it I'm looking for? Someone? Something? A goal? A plan? Novelty? A constructive routine? Jelly beans?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I'll keep on keeping on, for sure. Don't get me wrong: I'm in no way miserable about life. I'm very excited to see what happens. I want to achieve and win and grow. I just have forgotten why we push so hard for success and perfection. I need a reason.

I guess for now, that perfect sound of leaves beneath my feet is reason enough to keep me ambling along. What a beautiful day!