There is Nothing

like winter driving. The ice, the mayhem, low visibility with the heater on high. People panicking like it's the end of the world, and abandoned cars chaotically lining the shoulders of the road, left for dead as if the city was attacked by zombies. To me, it's all a sport. I award points for accidental stunts people pull. Like sliding sideways (5 points), or pulling a 360 (13 points) when trying to make a left hand turn through an intersection. Fishtailing (12 points), and rear ending someone (50 points).

Although, points increase exponentially for rear ending when it becomes a pileup. The number of cars that crash behind you as a result of your poor driving add to your score. It's a pyramid scheme type of thing. And even you can succeed!

(200 points too the station wagon behind the tow truck. Master 'pileupper' for starting this catastrophe. I bet he was enjoying some Mmm and slipped into a dreamy abyss, forgetting where he was.)

So go get em, tiger. Let's rip up the roads this winter in style. Let's see how bad your driving really is. I'll be awarding far more points than I rack up, because i'm not a panicking fool. Plus I'm invincible.

Fear / Change / Love

Fear

I could / You could/ This could

be uncertain / fail / die

I could be uncertain

I could fail

I could die

You could be uncertain

You could fail

You could die

This could be uncertain

This could fail

This could die

Change

I will / You will / This will

be confusing / take / give

I will be confusing

I will take

I will give

You will be confusing

You will take

You will give

This will be confusing

This will take

This will give

Love

I am / You are / This will be

what you want / what I want / perfect

I am what you want

I am what I want

I am perfect

You are what you want

You are what I want

You are perfect

This will be what you want

This will be what I want

This will be perfect.

To:

her whom

I will find 

/

she who 

will find me




*|~|~Post 100~|~|*

Spicy Song Of The Week

I won't be writing again until next week. I shall attempt to channel all creatvity into BSing a 10 000 (slight hyperbole) word paper that I should have started two weeks ago. The Word of the day is masochism:

I would rather lose sleep and stay up late working on a paper.

I would rather not do as well due to rushing this paper. I enjoy that.

I don't particularly enjoy pacing myself, as I can always just work a little harder tomorrow.

I enjoy missing out on social events because IT'S CRUNCH TIME and I need to begin thinking about thinking about thinking about doing my paper.

This week, I've put the 'pro' in procrastination. But WHYYYYYYY? Why do I enjoy this suffering?

Spicy Song Of The Week is from a band that I look forward to seeing on Friday, when all this hell is done and over with. On the other side of this rainbow. I really recommend this pot of gold:

Mendoza Line (Woah Caroline)

The Dudes

Brain Heart Guitar

But seriously, listen to the whole album. Thank me later. Thank me now, too.


See you next week for Post #100... !

Whatever You're Selling...

...I'll take two, please.


This world is throwing some curve balls. Some tricks from up its sleeve. It's pushing me, and I'm pulling it. That, most certainly, creates a feeling of uncertainty. A balancing act. Keep your toes on the line. Don't look down.

There are questions searching for answers searching for reasons searching for why.

I don't get it.

But world, whatever you're selling, I'll take two. Keep it coming. Whatever it is.

I'm not afraid to fail. In fact, I have an unhealthy non-fear of failure. Depends what 'to fail' means.

So let's go there. Wherever that is.

A murder mystery

So I get home from a financial planning class at 8.49 pm. On my way home, I stopped to buy milk and iceberg lettuce. Oh..and an apple.

(but not just any apple. This is a HONEYCRISP apple. Like seriously, have you had one yet? It's all in the name. Sweet. Sweeter than any other apple you've EVER had. I could get a cavity from this apple, it's so sweet, and I'd love that cavity, because it would remind me of that one time I had a delicious honeycrisp apple. And crunchy too! It's that classic 'crunch of an apple' sound when your teeth rip into it and pull of a chunk big enough that you say "wow what a big chunk of apple. I wasn't expecting such a mouthful" and you get to enjoy a mouthful of  sweet deliciousness that is this apple for longer than you had budgeted time for and you end up closing your eyes, smiling, and enjoying every delicious bite until--you've missed your bus--but that's okay. you brought two apples to the bus stop, and you will wait for the next bus.)

At the cashier, I ask for no bags (to save the environment..though it's screwed anyway) and entered the house with a handful of food and notes from the class. I spill it all out on to the counter and notice the grapes are out. Ugh. warm grapes are like dirty socks. Like crazy psycho racist grandparents that tell you stories t. Like having to use a plunger. Let's just avoid those. Quade did some shopping, it seems, as those grapes are new.

But where's Quade?

I figure he's downstairs, possibly editing the guitar tracks we recorded tonight. I wander down to say hi, and tell him i bought milk (cuz that's big news). "Hey Quade," I call, approaching the control room. No reply. I look in, and he's got a computer screen full of blinking, unanswered MSN conversations, but he's fast asleep.

 I turn to walk away. I figure I'll go play some guitar. But half way up the stairs, I start thinking.

What if he's dead?

What if he wasn't asleep in that arm chair, but was in fact dead?

Dang....That would be a lot of paperwork.

So as I took off my coat, cracked open a Growers, and sat on the couch, I thought about how if he was in the basement, dead (not sleeping), and it was ruled a suspicious death, I, JOSH MANERIKAR would be top suspect. I had to justify why I'd be found innocent. If I couldn't find a reason  why I wasn't the murderer, I knew I had to go and actually check to make sure he wasn't dead--for my sake.

So... I left for the class at 6.05pm. He was alive, making a hot dog for dinner. I came back, and he was asleep. Would my alibi hold? Luckily, yes, because my parents are also attending this class with me. "okay," the prosecutro would say, "but maybe you killed him before you left." Gah..I thought about this and--wait. He sent me a text while I was there to tell me to go shopping for milk and lettuce (the apple was totally my idea. and it was the best idea all day. UNLIKE buying A&W two days in a row..ugh) so that gets me out of that problem. "okay," says the prosecutor, "but maybe you killed him after you got home!"

So as he lays dead/sleeping downstairs right now, I need to find a logical reason why I didn't kill him when I got home. I mean, it's practically sacriligious to leave the grapes out to get warm...but I wouldn't KILL over that, would I? WOULD I?!

I don't know :-(

Nevermind. He just came upstairs...and he's alive. :D

So, C's DO get degrees, right?

This whole "I'm gonna go to every single one of my classes and NOT procrastinate and take lotsa notes and NOT sleep in" thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.  

DON'T LET THEM FOOL YOU!!!

But just for once, I'd like to do really well, you know?

Perspective Plagues The Objective Mind

So maybe my vague reference to the bible in my last post seems unsubstantiated or aggressive, and I appreciate someone piping up to say that I didn't connect the dots. I may not have  explained it too well, but I didn't say anything I didn't mean. I was making a simple observation that we (humanity regardless of religion) make the bible into what we want it to say for a specific purpose or agenda. Gay rights activists will point out different perspectives and interpretations than a southern baptist preacher, just as a poor man will cling to different verses or ideas for hope than the CEO of some oil company like Shell will for peace of mind. Or, more profoundly, an Atheist will find flaw in the same verse that a Christian finds solace. Perspective plagues the objective mind.

Now...why did I make this bible reference before the video? Because the western idea of marriage is primarily a result of the combination of two ideologies: Greco-Roman culture and Judeo-Christian belief. In fact, it's these two groups of people that have formed the foundations of what we now consider "western thought" or "western culture" or "western" anything. So when we look at how the definition of marriage has changed as western culture moves 'forward', we are essentially comparing marriage now to marriage in biblical times. What Dan describes as marriage complete with dowry and the transfer of ownership of the wife is straight out of the bible. Whether you all like it or not.

So yes, it's all about the bible. It's about how the bible has influenced the way we (westerners) all think (most of us), and how we slowly violate what it teaches, and in turn, people cry outrage until the rebellious activity becomes acceptable to even the conservative Christians. A term worth researching: Liberal Christianity. Very fascinating interpretations of the bible.


I'm making no judgements up to now, just pointing out that what you believe might not really jive with the book you claim to be referencing, depending on who interprets it.  I'm just tired of people saying they have "it" all figured out.

I hope that clarifies that I was simply making an observation about the point that Dan Savage was alluding to: the same people who say gay marriage is sin are the same people who break handfuls of other marriage laws and defend their changed minds. So that's that. thoughts?

Good point.

Just another example of how we take the bible for whatever we want it to be at any given moment. Literal..or not. Metaphor...or not. Historic...or not. God's word... or..?

Spicy Song Of The Week

This song isn't one of my favorites or anything, but the lyrics are cool, and she sounds like Ingrid Michaelson.  I listen to Sarah Harmer to think of Ingrid. It's like song cheating. As author Chuck Klosterman said, cheating is not worth it because when you're with the first girl, you're thinking about how the other girl is better, and when you're with the second girl, you're hoping the first girl doesn't find out. I can think of a lot more reasons (and less selfish ones) why cheating is terrible...but...um..anyways wow..where did that come from?

I only know this song because of the compilation album called Pure(ly) Acoustic. It's a really cool album featuring acoustic versions of Fake Plastic Trees, Ocean Avenue by Yellow Card, and Chocolate by Snow Patrol. I coulda used a more well known song, but I like the more obscure tracks. I might actually throw the Yellow Card song into this playlist at some point. Act surprised when it comes, please.

Pendulums

Sarah Harmer

Pure(ly) Acoustic

The last line of this song is "I'm sleeping in."

Let's start a new expression. When something awesome happens, you can say "That's so new socks, man." Because everyone agrees, new socks is the best thing ever. Sleeping 13 hours last night was new socks.

There was some "i-looked-at-you-from-across-the-room-and-you-looked-at-me-and-smiled-and-then-we-looked-away-until-you-looked-at-me-and-i-pretended-not-to-notice-but-then-i-couldn't-help-it-and-smiled-back-and-you-looked-away-smiling-too" -ing going on today.

lonely cops+ cute girls+desperate criminals = happy criminals

So last week was basically a weekend, which was sweet. Thursday was FST, Friday I attempted to go see Sweeney Todd, the play, and ended up only seeing half of it. After seeing the second half, I was okay with missing the first half. Although, let me tell you, girls who go to plays are my type. And not because they like plays. Saturday I played poker, and sunday night I slept 13 hours. To top it off, my ONE class today was canceled.

I promised an story involving police, criminals, and your every-day-hero Josh. Actually, it's not much of a story. I took a slightly extended lunch break at work to go home and eat. Upon returning, I parked next to a white Dodge Caravan that had no middle or back windows and a metal gate just behind the drivers seat. I had never seen one of these before, and thought it was quite strange, as it was also unmarked. I peered inside, and saw 15 debit pinpads sitting on the seat. Um...that's not normal, is it? We've had a few incidents of pin pad scams in the last couple years, so I was a bit concerned. I asked my friend (who is very knowledgeable on the subject of law) and he said it was pretty strange. I ended up calling the cops and they said they'd be right over to look at it.

It was 2.5 hours later when they showed up, and the van was gone. however, they did spend 20 minutes 'interrogating' the girl at customer service. Flirting is easy when you're a cop, I guess. They never talked to me, and left with a smile on their face, waving at the customer service girl.

Don't blame me when millions of dollars are lost to the criminals. Blame cute girls and lonely cops instead.

They be the real threat.

Haha...oh.

I'm stackin apples on a dreary Sunday morning (today), just waiting for time to stop kicking its feet and start racing along, when I see something that immediately makes me smile. A man walks into the department wearing those 'Groucho Marx' moustache glasses that we used to get at birthday parties when we were kids:

He looks pretty young, so I figure he's just doing it for a good laugh. I chuckle and nod at him, but he doesn't break character. He remains pompous and aloof, strolling slowly down the aisle with quiet determination. As he gets closer, I turn to say something to him and stop dead. They aren't glasses at all. That is his face. His real face. Like..dead on replica. He glared at me as I slowly turned around, unable to wipe the expression of confused shock off of my own face.

Working an auto show last year, two people came up to me and asked a couple questions about one of the cars. After a very brief talk, I said

J: "have a good day, sir."

Person: "What? I'm not a sir."

J: [Turns and walks away]

I've only been glared down with such murderous eyes a couple times in my life. But I tell you honestly, I'm still not sure if that person was lying for a joke, or maybe confused. You would  have made that mistake too. Although, I've got a long record of getting myself into these awkward situations...so yeah...She was probably a she, and I'm just looking for trouble.

FST Aftermath

After another successful FST, at 2 am, I felt like having a sandwhich.

You know it was a good night and a full house when the only counter space I can find to make my sandwich...is the stove.

In other kitchen news...remember when, against all logic and common sense, I bought 120 eggs at once? Check it out!

6 weeks later, THE LAST EGG.

I'm eating it right now, and let me tell you. They only get better with age. But please..no more eggs. Aight?

Ew. Gross.

There is NEVER an excuse for finding Katy Perry on my iPod. Can you imagine, someone thumbing through my music and finding that? There's just no response. DELETE DELETE DELETE.

How did it get there!?

A Human Being in GB?

There are some questions that will always plague us. For instance, you've probably lost sleep trying to discover the meaning of life...for others of you, that question might actually put you to sleep. Or what came first, the chicken or the egg? Here's a good one: how many miles do the wheels on your office chair travel in a year?--No...perhaps the biggest question perplexing us today is why don't eyebrows grow quickly, like our head hair does?--not taking into account every girl named Bernice, Bertha, or Olga, in which case her eyebrows seem to keep up with her moustache fairly competitively. I joke, I joke. I once met a really cute girl named Olga...however, the name quashed any feelings.

J: Hey, I'm Josh.

O: Hi, I'm Olga.

J: Oh..darn.

Those questions are good. But they do not perplex me today. On this day, I am most concerned with answering a Lingering Question that occurred to me as I stacked apples many months ago at work:

How many gigabytes is a person?

Some of you might say, "Shut up Josh. Don't you even know what a gigabyte is?"

Calm down. I understand that a gigabyte is just a term used to quantify storage space on a computer (if you didn't know that...now you do).

All I mean is, how many gigabytes would it take to store ALL the information that is necessary to create an identical copy of one person as if they were a file? This is a very abstract question, and the answer (if it is at all possible to draw a conclusion) would not come easy. I mean, you're taking into account the physical aspects including dimensions, tactile values, the networking between various body parts, colours, tastes and smells of the body, the chemical reactions, muscular/skeletal/etc systems, cell processes, ...on and on. But then there's the whole other side of emotions, memory/recognition, and every other brain function --most of which are not yet even known or understood yet..which makes it impossible to quantify.

I'm neither tech savvy enough nor biologically/philosophically/intellectually savvy enough to even fathom a guess...but I'm betting it's ..um...big.  Some scientists claim up to 10 Terabytes can be stored and used in the brain alone. Like a bowl of Rice Krispies with milk, I just snap-crackle-and-popped a few brain cells trying to figure this out.

Oh em gee I could go for some good ol Rice Crispies...mmm..

(Ah there we go..back to regular thinking patterns)

I have a good story about police and scams and your every-day-hero Josh. But that'll have to wait til tomorrow. I've got a date with myself to watch Cast Away. It's just one of those nights.

Spicy Song Of The Week

A band that we either love to hate, or that we love and hate that we love,  Tegan and Sara. I don't really have anything to say except they write super catchy music, they're one of the best duos around, and I wish their fan base wasn't a bunch of idiot trying to figure out the duo's sexual orientation. Losers.

They used to live next door to my 3/8ths cousin here in Calgary.....oh. I bet you didn't even know you could HAVE a 3/8ths cousin. It's not as crazy (or illegal) as it sounds. Maybe I'll explain sometime. But the point is..wait..what?

Take Me Anywhere

Tegan & Sara
So Jealous

5 day weekend, anyone? Woohoo!

Aw shucks.

I had a test today. So I decided to leave my house early to go to the bookstore and crouch behind the shelves and study. That is correct..I have not bought the textbook, nor do I intend to ever bow to their demands to spend over $100 on Art History. The internet is free. However, I recently discovered, the test is only on the pictures in the book.

So I'm getting dressed, skipping breakfast, and packing up my laptop. Time to go. I lock the door handle from the inside and take my keys out of my pocket (they are attached to a lanyard) to make sure I actually HAVE them. All too many times, I've been locked out of the house. In the rain. At night. When I was hungry. I'd stand under the tree, trying to keep dry, all the while wondering just how edible pine cones really are (not at all) until a housemate with a key showed up. I've tried crawling in windows, and literally got stuck, having to rip a perfectly good sweater in the process. I'm sure that would have looked great to the neighbours. No wonder they don't talk to us.

So anyways, I made sure I had my keys, and slammed the door behind me. I started to turn around and walk down the steps when--I couldn't move.  I looked down and realized my lanyard had gotten caught in the door. I pulled, it didn't budge. 'Okay,' I thought, 'I need to unlock the door now to open it.' But the lanyard was caught too far down to reach the keyhole. I am immediately reminded of The Incredibles, as the fashion designer, Edna Mode, lists off all the instances of a superhero dying because he was wearing a cape:

"Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when? his cape snagged on a missile fin! Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine! Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snag on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! "

 My lanyard was now reminiscent of a long dangly thing waiting to get caught in a jet turbine or get hooked on a missile seconds before take off. Lanyards are pretty dangerous. I would advise using with caution. Don't become a victim. Watch out for doors.

I ended up having to tediously unhook my house key from the lanyard and unlock the door, open it, reassemble keys to lanyard, and bike extra fast to school, carefully watching out for launching rockets or low flying aircraft.

It'd be cool if I at least had a superpower to go along with these evils I fight.

What is the best superpower, anyways?

I vote time travel.

Define: Studying

Define: Studying.

Studying is the theoretical concept of forcing useful information into your brain for your test (usually the night before a test). Often used as an excuse not to hang out, go out, or spend money. It's probably the activity you're SUPPOSED to be doing right now. Consists of equal parts:

1.facebooking

2. eating

3.drawing stickman animations on the pages of your textbook so that you can flip it really fast and watch the action. And at the end of it, you realise that stickman just had more fun than you are having, so you decide to hang out/go out/spend money.

Traditional and successful studying was first developed by nerds who weren't capable of having coherent conversations about anything other than Pokemon and binary code. However, as a love for Pokemon became grounds for setting people on fire, they looked for a safer way to express their social deficiency. 'Group Study Sessions' is the ironic result of nerds feeling the need for acceptance in numbers, though they cannot talk with each other, so they just read.

Certain demographics of people including 'cool', 'lazy', and 'genius' people have not developed this 'skill', and are perceived by studiers as defective or bothersome.

See: 'Procrastinating', 'Wasting Time', and 'Blogging' for further understanding.

conclusions I've drawn about my study habits:

1. I better make studying fun, because it's definitely not going to be beneficial in any other way

2. It's bad news when someone asks why my book is upside down and I haven't noticed.

3. If I listen to slow music, I get bored. Hard music distracts. And not having music makes me twitch.

4. Twitching is a really messed up concept. Like...whoa body. why did you just do that? Talk to me. what caused my hand or my leg or my eye to just jump. There's nothing scary here. Holy. It's kinda gross if you think about it. ew.

and:

5. My trains of thought are pulled by the Little Engine Who Couldn't.

chugga chugga.....chug...ga.....ch-

I could study...but I could also ..not.

Irony Curtain

So I'd like to congratulate humanity on 20 years since the Berlin Wall was brought down. They celebrated by throwing a massive free concert including U2. However, they only made 10 000 tickets available (which were all claimed in 3 hours) and decided that ticket-holders should be the only ones to see the show, and everyone else should watch it from home on TV, so they had to find a way to deter ticket-less people from congregating.

So they built a wall. A twelve foot high barrier to keep out common folk! It was erected almost along the same line where the Berlin Wall stood for 30 years.

That's brilliant, guys. That would be like building an Airplane museum on the site where the World Trade Center once stood. Better yet, a mosque! Ahh the callous irony!

Gyaahhh I can't sleep again.

At The Halloween Party:

Josh, with cousin Shaylen, enters the party house bearing a huge bag of Rockets (those amazing candies) while showing off an expertly carved pumpkin by Marya and himself of Spongebob:

A pretty girl sitting by herself on the couch looks slightly bored, and Josh feels somewhat obligated to erase any boredom. He sits down and says hey. And that's where this story begins.

Josh: Hey

Girl: Hi!

Josh: Cool decorations, hey? I just got here.

Girl: Yeah, I got here at 3pm..so I'm kinda bored now.

Josh: 3pm? That was 7 hours ago! Why'd you come so early?

Girl: I came here after work. I live in Cochrane, so I didn't want  to drive all the way home from work and then come back.

[This seems to be going moderately well. Josh knew that because she was still sitting beside him. Granted, it had only been 30 seconds.]

Josh: makes sense...where do you work?

Girl: A gynecology clinic down south

Josh: Oh wow! That's pretty intense.

Girl: Yeah, I see a lot of crazy things. Places you didn't even know you could tear: I've seen that. I'm definitely careful about birth control because I don't want that to happen to me.

Josh: [somewhat taken aback]..yeah..for sure.

Girl: And when I do have kids? I'll be getting a C-section. I've seen the after-effects and it can get pretty bad. I don't even want to tell you all the issues I've had to deal with. There's just so many things that can go wrong down there. It's a lot of paperwork, too.

Josh: ....um...

...want some Rockets?

----

You know we're in trouble when...

 I'm sitting around on my 'break' at Safeway, reading Rolling Stone Magazine..the one with Madonna on the cover. Flippin through the pages, I read something about Dave Grohl's new band, Thom Yorke's new band ( a growing trend?), and then suddenly--There's a four page article with like 8 pictures about the pollution in our ocean, and how it's wiping out the population of albatross by 40% and used big technical words like 'doldrums' and chemical compound names that made my brain go fuzzy.



How bad is it that Rolling Stone Magazine, the forefront entertainment and musical arts publishing on the continent feels the need to throw in an article about how we are killing the planet. I had to stop and remember that I wasn't reading a National Geographic article here. I flipped the page, and...ah...there we go. Some guy with a handlebar moustache and an article about Motörhead. That's better. Stick to pop culture, RS.

Although, I suppose Green is the new black.

"The NEW three R's: Reduce, Reuse, and Rockstar!"

Dreams

I wish that

were more like

 

and less like real life.

But I guess it's a good thing they aren't.

Or else we'd never want to wake up

and make those dreams a reality.

(Though, a flying dream would 

be pretty sweet once in a while)

Spicy Song Of The Week

I just discovered a whole ton of music on my iPod that I don't even know how it got there. I think it's because the Music Gods like me and bless me with a live feed of new music right into my iPod. Upon analyzing this new music, i found it was mostly acoustic. That's fine by me, except for it wasn't very original or inspiring acoustic music, which made me crave some high quality and fantastic acoustic music.

So I listened to the best acoustic music I could find...like..ever.

Excuse me while I

before we continue.

Yeah, it was bound to happen...the Spicy Song Of The Week is one we wrote. I just listened to Walking Backwards' second album, Clarity Amid The Chaos, today for the first time since....um...June? It was really enjoyable experience, and so I felt I oughta share our music with you guys.

There's a million stories behind this album. It was written by my cousin Darcy and I while traveling the world last year on Josh and Darcy's Epic Adventure. There's stories of bull fights, scams, death threats, canned tuna, camels, sleeping on park benches, and wine-throwing fights. I'll eventually finish writing my book about that adventure, but today we can just enjoy a song from the album.

The title, Clarity Amid The Chaos, was conceived by Darcy after reflecting about the most memorable and powerful moments of the 4 month trip. They were tiny moments that you had to catch and cling to, or you never would have noticed them. These little moments were Clarity. Whether we were puking in the Sahara or getting thrown around in the back of a bus while traveling bumpy roads in the foothills of the Himalayas, we found ourselves completely overwhelmed not by what was going on around us, but by simplicity of the big picture. We could be at complete peace, knowing that whatever will be will be, and we can't try to control everything.

When traveling through chaotic lands and cultures, you often have many moments of clarity. Times when you can focus your thoughts and gain insights that you wouldn't have been able to discover in the comfort of your home.

This little EP debuts the stuff we worked on during the trip. Moments of clarity amid the chaos.

Cross Your Fingers

Walking Backwards

Clarity Amid The Chaos

Fittingly, it's about the need to pick up the pieces of life and move on. Goodness, I plan these things well doncha think?

Time To Catch Up. How you been?

Saturday evening, I pruned my 3 year old fig tree. In accordance with all my previous plants, it needs a name. After all, there is Abe the Aloe Vera (check out how the 'lo' in 'aloe' forms a 'b' in 'Abe. You think that was an accident? ...It was.), Chuck the Cherry Tomato Plant, and Humphrey, my cactus (this is before I knew what alliteration was). I loved that cactus. It somehow captured the essence of my exact sentiment and life-view when I was 12 years old. And so, a name for my fig tree? I shall name it... Fidel The Fig Tree. Fidel means 'faithful'. A fitting name because it faithfully didn't die on me this month.

It was on the verge of dying though. 'One leaf at a time', you might say. Not all of the sudden, not for any one reason, ..and definitely not my fault..obviously. It's not because I didn't water it: it just needed too much water to begin with. It's not because I put it too close to the cold window. It just can't handle our non-Mediterranean climate as well as it ought to. It didn't call out, and it probably didn't even realize its dwindling existence. One leaf at a time. September and October were not kind to Fidel. He didn't grow any, he didn't push himself, he just sat there, watching everything go by.

Goodness, this plant sounds like someone I know.

Let me tell you about "This One Guy". No need to name names. This  One Guy woke up one day last week, and thought "Hmm..It's been a few days since I've gone to school, maybe I should check in." And so off he went to class. He was early, leaving him nothing to do but sit outside the class room and wait. The Prof happened to walk by, and since it was a small class, he greeted 'this one guy' by name. They proceeded to have a conversation...Also, he was holding a baking sheet of muffins.

Prof: what are you doing here?

TOG: I'm just waiting for class.

Prof: you mean..MY class?

TOG: um..yeah.

Prof: Right...well, class was yesterday. you missed it. Do you even know what day it is?

TOG: Oh. Um..[looks down at shoes and pouts] ...no.

Prof: Get it together, man. Oh. Want a muffin?

TOG: [still analyzing shoes] what kind?

Prof:  Banana, I believe.

TOG: Lame. No. [Exit stage left, goes home, goes to bed. Wakes up many hours later..craving a muffin.]

This One Guy is kinda an idiot. A slacker, to say the least. We'll even call him a slob in need of a haircut and a self-help section or two.

Again...sounds familiar...

Let me tell you about this other guy. We'll call him Alfred Dyck, A. Dyck for short...his real name is unimportant. He was in such a numb dumb daze that he didn't bother to pay attention to anyone around him. He was so self absorbed in his own boredom, he missed important occasions. Let's listen in as he enjoys a family meal at his parents house 5 days later after the missed event:

A. Dyck: Thanks for dinner Mom.  That was tasty. Beats KD, I'll say that much.

Mom: Your diet is depressing. Eat healthier! Also, there's cake for dessert.

A Dyck: No..thanks, though. I really should avoid sugar right now. But why is there cake?

Mom: It's birthday cake.

A Dyck: Oh! Great! Who's birthday was it?

[the room suddenly felt cold, and it wasn't because the window was open]

Mom: ...It was your dad's...Tuesday.

A Dyck: ...Oh. [He connects some dots and realizes that his sister called from rural africa to wish Dad a happy birthday that day, and he couldn't even remember while living in the same timezone. He also realises that the only thing he can do now is have a piece of cake, making him feel more included in the festivities.] I guess I'll have a piece.

And where was all this going?

The truth is, for the past two months, I've been that fig tree, falling apart one leaf at a time. I've been That One Guy who stumbles around in a daze, avoiding everyone. And anyone who forgets a family member's birthday is A Dyck.

It was not a great two months. I had no will to go to class, look for a job, or meet up with friends.  I went days without speaking a word. These two situations above along with failing a midterm equaled rock bottom. And I didn't even see it coming.  So last week, in the midst of all the above situations, I decided that Sunday, November 1st would be a fresh start. I'd become that pruned fig tree and start prioritizing and saving money and all sorts of stuff. I made a 'Fix List', for things I need to fix in my life so i stop wasting time, energy, and money, and instead start living laughing and loving again.

So since Saturday, I've been playing catch-up and attempting to figure out how I'm going to get myself out of the hole I dug. it reminds me of this magazine article about Miss Lohan:

Silly people. Lindsay Lohan can't hit 'rock bottom'. She just whips out a jackhammer and Keeps...On...Going. (PS..I didn't read this magazine. Promise.)

Fortunately, I'm a million times cooler than her (and have a substantially lesser amount of cocaine in my bloodstream). So instead of digging deeper, it's not going to be as hard as I thought to get myself back on track. But playing catch up explains my blogging absence.

Of course, now that I'm caught up in school ...I can afford to begin procrastinating again!

I had a job interview at Joey Tomatoes. As a restaurant, they are well known as employing only the best looking people. They remind you that we are not all created equally when it comes to appearance. On the application, they ask me to rate my 'hotness' on a scale from one to ten.  I wrote 11. In the business ethics section of the interview, they asked whether it was "very likely, somewhat likely, or not likely" that I would sleep with the manager or head waitress in hopes of a raise. I laughed and said, 'Not very likely, but I'm flattered by the offer. I'm just not looking for that kind of thing right now. It's not you, it's me.'

They haven't called me back.

Spicy Song of the week coming soon!

Talk To You Later.

The hardest part of changing is making sure you don't 'unchange'

I've got things to write about. But new priorities mean it will have to wait.

Gyah!