It's the end of the year as we know it, and I feel fine.

After reading the comics section in today's paper, I came to the blatant realization that there's no such thing as a good new year's joke. So I shall refrain and leave you with only this one nugget of wisdom worthy of a golden fortune cookie:

Tonight is the last night to do something really stupid and be able to wake up and shake it off by saying 'That happened last year.' Somehow, that will make it sound all better.

Go have fun. This is my favourite holiday. And I ain't gonna spend it blogging.

It's cold up here, The unforgiving stratosphere

  Freedom

you can go your own way

you can do your own thing

you can go against the flow

Yeah you can do all these things

 Alone

 

Spicy Song Of The Week

I love when you go on a music downloading/buying spree and find some really cool bands that you've never heard of and never get radio play. Then you grow to love them, show them to a few close friends, and add them to various party playlists and everyone says "Wow, cool song. Who is this?" and you say the band name and they neither recognize it nor can they pronounce it properly and you're thinking "that's right, I'm amazing."

I think everyone has one or two of these friends who seems to produce amazing bands out of thin air that immediately begin to define you. I have a couple of these too, which is why I was pretty excited when I discovered Mother Mother before they suddenly started getting a whole bunch of radio play here. I wouldn't at all say they define me even a little bit, but this song is pretty awesome.

O My Heart is pretty infectious and catchy. In this way, it sadly stands out from the rest of this album to the point where they felt obligated to name the whole album after this song.  They seem to be a pretty eclectic band, quite out there. I definitely think that people have crossed the street to avoid these people. You can just hear this quirky frantic intensity in each instrument. 

But this point is,  I had it on my iPod before I even knew who they were. In fact, I still have no idea who they are...but I know this song! HAH.

O My Heart

Mother Mother

O My ♥

I also recommend these other songs from this album: Body Of Yours, Arms Tonite

As a side note, I went and saw Up In The Air, and absolutely loved it. George Clooney's Character resonated with me in certain ways. Escapism, travel, callousness, being rational, impersonal, and the love being important. Being suddenly caught up in a girl.

GYAH. Typing nearly killed me today and there were so many spellkings mistskaes that I hads to coreetc.

Christmas!

You're not going to believe this.

Right now, at 12:08 am on December 25th, I am sitting on my parents couch in the living room. The fireplace is on, and the Christmas tree is glowing. The dog picks at a scab. And suddenly, my mom comes down the stairs, arms full of toys. "You can't see me" she says.

But I can. And I am absolutely apalled. I was desperately clinging to one last glimmer of hope that a creepy old hairy man who only owned one shirt systematically broke into billions of people's houses around the world leaving toys built by 'little people' that violate patents galore as they create exact replicas of popular toys for crazed kids who refuse to go to sleep.

But alas! It was my MOM doing all these things. Can you believe it?! MY MOM comes to everyone's houses and drops off toys! You can buy me dinner this week, and I'll put in a good word for you for next year. It's never too early to suck up. I like steak.

Also, I love hearing everyone say "I'm going to go do some wrapping." because I think of 'Rapping' and immediately picture them as a black gangsta bustin' a move on the stage while astonishing the crowd with an incredible 'words per minute' count.

I need to go eat more of my grandmother's baking now. Yeaa this is the life. Enjoy the holidays guys.

Spicy Song Of The Week

HAH. It's TOTALLY sunday, right? Right!

There's boring things to do, and then there's epic things to do. Let's discuss.

Boring Thing: Sitting in a chair, staring out of a window. Generally, this is considered boredom, looking out into a world passing by with little interest or initiative to join the bustling population.

Epic Thing: Sitting in a chair, staring out of a window. With a glass of red wine, and classical music playing melodiously in the background, entire scene lit by firelight.  Now you're awesome. 

Boring Thing: Cooking KD. The water boils, add noodles. Simmer 8-10 minutes. drain, add butter, milk, and edible nuclear waste (cheese powder) and stir. You can get really creative and add pepper, ketchup, and hotdogs.

Epic Thing: Cooking KD with classical music. The tempo rises to allegretto as the water comes to a boil. With a sense of urgency and purpose, the noodles are poured as a noodley cascade into the pot. The music turns minor as we mourn the fate of each piece of pasta, boiled to death. Tragic. The music will suddenly begin to build, the crescendo strengthens as the pasta approaches acceptable tenderness. Tumultous, accented notes signify the tossing and turning of the noodles in the bubbling water. The scale up the piano builds anticipation, and then the climax! Strong, sweeping chords provide the perfect audible backdrop for you to dump the noodles out in one fluid motion into the strainer, a massive and dramatic cloud of steam rises up, and you can almost make out musical notes in the vapour, singing the song across the kitchen, evaporating just as the music builds some tension *gasp* : Now it gets tricky, hence a deceptive cadence: The melting of the butter is choregraphed perfectly to the drone and slight dissonance of the cellos, for melting butter is the sign of greater things to come. A duet plays out between the piano and the cello, symbolic of the butter and milk working their way through the noodles as a team, achieving a harmonious, blended balance. The adding of the cheese is accented stacato notes, chaotically pointing out that you just got more cheese on the counter and your shirt than in the pot. With a decresendo and a long held last note, the fermata resounds until there is nothing left but you...

...and a delicious pot of Kraft Dinner.

Dinner Is Served.

Clearly, classical music makes mundane thing epic. Try it out.

Siciliano

Vivaldi

Reading By The Fire

The Holes In The Wall That Happened To Align

A metaphor in script form.

I woke up one night during this last week of insomnia with this idea. I enjoyed writing this.

---------

Me: Hey

Her: Um..hi.

Me: That's a pretty big wall you've built around you. Very high. I couldn't climb it.

Her: Yeah..I see you've got a decent one around you too. Thicker than mine.

Me: I have been building my wall for a long time. How about you?

Her: Oh, I've been at it for a while too. But I can't seem to finish it. I leave this little hole in it, right at eye-level.

Me: Me too. I want to be able to see out, i suppose, without being too exposed. It's curious that our viewing holes should line up like this.

Her: Yes. I can see your face when you stand in front of the hole, and you can see mine. But I could easily move to the side and be completely hidden.

Me: That is quite empowering. But yet you choose to stay here and face me. Do you feel safe like this?

Her: I suppose I do. Probably only because I know you are behind your wall too. You keep me out just as much as I keep you out. I find comfort in the ability that we could not be close even if we wanted to.

Me: But do you want to?

Her: You ask a lot of questions for having built such a thick wall.

Me: Well, as our viewing holes align, you are all I can see. And I find you intriguing.

Her: Intriguing? Please! You only find me intriguing because you know I'll never reciprocate. You find safety in my emotional distance, my inability to get attached.

Me: That just might be true. These walls can be very useful. Well worth the effort of moving each stone into place.

Her: Tiring work, though. I've had a lot of frustration and anxiety, disappointments and broken hearts to build this wall. How do you like my wall?

Me: It's impressive. And yet all I can focus on is the viewing hole you have left, almost against your own will--as if you knew you could not completely separate yourself from the world. It is a hole of hope.

Her: I don't want to admit you are right. You should watch how far you push, watch what you say, or I'll move away from this hole, and you'll see no more of me.

Me: You could stay, and I'll see no more of you than your face.

Her: It's probably for the best. If there's one thing I've learned, is that you guys are all the same. All you see right now is a pretty face.

Me: Yes, it's true. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see more. You've made it impossible for me to know you better because your viewing hole is so small. If you were to widen it, then perhaps you would see how attractive I find you.

Her: No way. I'm safe here, and I see no point in risking that for you. I know nothing of you: I know less about you than you know of me.

Me: And yet my viewing hole is larger than yours. I'm not as jaded as you, yet. The difference is that I ask questions about you out of honest fascination, and you don't question me about who I am for fear of liking what you find.

Her: That's a bold assumption. Just as easily, I could assume I wouldn't like what I see if you were to show me more, and that's why you ask so many questions: to divert attention.

Me: Well, what would you like to know? I'm an open book.

Her: Hardly. You're behind a hell of a wall right now.

Me: Yes...I suppose I am. The answers I would give you would be carefully worded and thought out so as to avoid giving you something to detest about me.

Her: Alas, your viewing hole seems to be designed for one-way viewing.

Me: It's true. The perception of me you see is an inquisitive and fascinated character. But that has nothing to do with who I am.

Her: It sounds like you've got just as many reasons to build a wall as I do, but instead you use your larger viewing hole as a stage upon which you act, not an honest view of your personality.

Me: Well I hope you at least enjoy the show, however fake it may seem.

Her: Either way, I would never say. Chances are I'll hide behind my wall to laugh and smile at the good parts of your performance. I wouldn't want to give you the wrong idea.

Me: about what?

Her: about how I feel about you---oh no.

Me: go on..?

Her: No. I've said too much. Dammit, my wall is crumbling. You shut up. I have to go fix that crack over there.

Me: Maybe you could turn that crack into a doorway?

Her: there's not enough locks in the world to make a doorway that would make me feel safe.

Me: Maybe the only way to feel safe is to stop hiding and embrace the surroundings.  I think a door would do some good. Just to try, anyway.

Her: Do you have a door?

Me: Oh yes. I even leave once in a while. But what I find when I leave pushes me back here.

Her: Then why do you keep leaving?

Me: Faith, I suppose. Naive optimism that some day I will find someone who will live without walls.

Her: You'll just get hurt.

Me: Probably. But these walls keep out the sunlight too.

Her:  It's true. I'm cold from loneliness.

Me: Don't fix the crack. Build a door instead.

Her: I don't think I'll find anything out there. I've been behind this wall too long.

Me: I'll be out there.

Her: So what?

Me: Just saying.

Her: What makes you think this time would be different?

Me: I don't think it's a coincidence that our viewing holes line up. I think we can help each other.

Her: You want to fix me? Is that it?

Me: No. I don't think you're actually broken. You just need a little sunlight.

Her: ...What if we fail?

Me: Then we fail. The 'What If' game will hurt so much more than knowing the truths.

Her: I don't know any other games.

Me: Then let's not play games. Let's just drop the pretenses and be honest.

Her: Dammit. I'm scared.

Me: Be scared with me, without these walls. I'm coming out.

Her: I'll see your flaws.

Me: Every time I see you through this hole, I feel my every flaw magnified. I don't think it could be much worse if I exposed my true self. But it could be better.

Her: I've got a lot of scars you haven't seen. Flaws of my own.

Me: Probably, but they'll be prettier on you than the ugly grey wall you hide behind.

Her: Is it really that ugly?

Me: Awfully so.

Her: I'll have to come out there.

Me: Really?

Her: Yes, if my wall is that ugly, I need to see it for myself from the outside. That's the only reason I'm coming out there.

Me: Hopefully I can give you a reason to stay out.

Her: Hopefully. But I doubt it.

Me: See you out there in five minutes?

Her: Okay...I guess. I'll do it. Ohhh I'm a fool for doing this.

Me: Bring some sunglasses. It might be sunnier than you think.

---------

Awkward.../Poor Conversation Topics/California/Christmas Might Not Be The Worst Thing Ever/Twilight You Make Me Vomit

we haven't really talked recently, as it's been a while, and you're probably questioning our relationship...And I don't want there to be this awkward silence or anything. But by suggesting I'm avoiding an awkward silence probably just created one. Gah. I can't win. What now? Let's just let it pass.


....


............



 ..................



Okay? I guess now... I'm breaking the ice by confessing that absolutely nothing blogworthy is going on in my life.

>I don't care about Tiger Woods. You next door neighbor has probably done worse. And you've probably cracked a joke about this that is socially more retarded than what your neighbour did. So quiet down.

> I know of several sports trades that people are appalled by: again, I don't even want to waste my time with this. I've got my own life to live, nonblogworthy as it is.

> The weather is probably the weakest form of small talk, so let's suffice to say it's winter and get over the fact that there's snow and cold outside..unless you live in California, in which case I can't even comprehend what it's like. Please tell me wonderful stories.

Listen, last night I was trying to get home from spending time with friends and there were cops and I may or may not have been speeding slightly and they didn't stop me as I drove by their hidden radar. They didn't even flash their lights..or give chase...or use a spike strip. HUGE let down to my adrenaline glands, HUGER relief to my conscience and/or bank account. Crazy luck. Karma, I'd like to think :-)

Tonight I spent a wonderful evening with friends at a gathering that was termed a 'Christmas Party' and it was fantastic. In admiration for this evening, the wonderful people, gifts, wine, food, and laughter, I'm NOT going to publish a massive post I had lined up about how Christmas Is This God-Awful Thing That's Really Just Brainwashing You Into Mall-Wandering-Capitalistic-Mindsets Even Though You Think You Have Really Just Discovered The Meaning Of The Season, Because In The End Your Priorities Are Skewed And Should Be Doing Something More Productive With Your Money.

---There's a good side to all this christmasy kafuffle, no doubt.

Perhaps we should just stick to the good parts; I don't want your obligatory gifts.---

Exams are pretty much done (I'M FINISHED!), we can all catch up on sleep (I SLEPT LAST NIGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL!), and most of you are waaaay behind on all your 'meaningful' shopping, so let's just get on with it and have some fun.

" Hahaha suckers the mall is the worst right now I went today and totally

punched some guy because he took the last copy of twilight!!!!!! "

Heck no. That's a lie. Screw Twilight and every single one of you that tries to make it a conversation topic. I'd rather go back to talking about the weather. At least the weather is not perverted or hormonal. Not even vampires suck the life out of me as much as you talking about them. You are wrong. Quiet.
But the mall did suck today. That much is true.
And I bet someone got punched over that book/movie/lifestyle today, too.

Please write me a good story to make up for my lack of interestingness. Thanks.

They'll Call me...NoSleep Man!

Or 'zzz smasher'!

'Pillow Fighter'!

Yeah so sleep and me apparently aren't talking. I'm fine with that. I never really needed it anyways. It's time to embrace the new me: awake, groggy, confused, anxious, and studying at 3am.

I must be superhuman. I just don't need sleep I guess. We're entering day four of seriously messed up sleep patterns, and I'm 'tired' of fighting it. Instead, I'll just roll with it. I shall call the hours that I am awake for 'Day', and the hours I am asleep 'Night'. And it shall be good.  And on the 7th day, I will not rest.

I don't need the sun. That's why we have light bulbs. I don't need meals either. I'll just eat constantly. I just ate some tortellini and after these chips are gone, I'll finish off the trail mix. Then some more tuna sandwiches. And then hopefully some more milk appears in the fridge soon so I can have cereal. I'd go buy the milk myself, but the store hours do not adhere to my personal timezone.

My exam is Thursday night. I'm not sure how much choice I have in this matter, but I might as well see if I can stay up the whole time. A challenge! You with me? Let's do it! I'm pretty much superhuman by this point, ravenous appetite and all. I better go make some tea and/or coffee.


Ten bucks says I'm asleep in two hours :-/

To sleep, perchance to dream--

aye, and where's the grub?

I don't get it

I went to bed sunday night at midnight, with every intention of waking up early to study.

I didn't fall asleep until after three. I woke up at 6 unable to sleep. I slept from 9am-noon.

Monday: Spent the day studying. Ate approximately five meals. Monday night, I went to bed at 1am. I'm still awake. Starving. Also watching really sappy girly movies to try and fall asleep...it's not working. I find them fantastic. Jane Austen, you sly devil.

What's wrong with me? I need sleep! I have plans tomorrow! I need a tuna sandwich! Some pregnant lady out there is wondering why she's suddenly not craving things or an insomniac anymore. I seem to have taken up her burdens for her.

My brain won't turn off. I'm beginning to realize that there are 15 days left to make some big changes in who I am before I'm forced to label them new years resolutions. And we all know just how well those work out.

Ok..back to my movie I guess. Let's not talk about it.

Spicy Song Of The Week

Guys. It's Sunday already. And you know what that means.


NOTHING. Sleep in, take the day off...don't make plans today. It's winter, you should sleep. That reminds me... there's this awesome band called Wintersleep. Hey, why don't I just make them the Spicy Song Of The Week! Brilliant!

Tamborine

Wintersleep

Welcome To The Night Sky

I've seen this band play and I only have one things to say about their show:

Don't see it. Like seriously, sooo disappointed. Wintersleep dudes, if you're reading this, let me try and explain to you that playing the song is more important than stopping to tune. I might not even notice a change in the sound, but you look like an idiot standing on stage tuning, looking like you'd rather be anywhere else. You better feel privileged that I still consider you one of my top 6 favourite bands!

I had high hopes. You dashed my dreams. Take it back.

[Tuning. He might have actually played, too..but I missed it.]

[You'd think this was just a bad picture with that facial expression, 

but I assure you...his face was not normal. 

Sharpies and white glue at least.]

[Seriously lacking rockstar quality? Yea..kinda.]

But I LOVE their two CDs. The first one is something I'll pretty much only listen to through headphones because it sounds like songs written about and for stalkers. It's really creepy stuff, but soo well done. The second album, Welcome To The Night Sky, is just a solid album. front to back, top to bottom, inside to out.

Last year, I forgot to show up for one of my finals. Well...it's not so much that I forgot, but more like I didn't know what day it was, and didn't bother checking. Then like a fool one morning around this time last year, I woke up in a panic (at like noon) and checked exam schedule. I had missed my Religion final. I wrote him an email using phrases like "I confess my irresponsibility" and "if you could forgive" and other religiously based words. Maybe it was my vocabulary, or my dashing good looks, but he did let me come in and write the finals, giving me a solid three days to learn the whole course. Close call! Go check your exam schedule again right now! And study!

Kids, don't be like me. It's too exciting. You can't handle.

Speaking of exciting, I just boiled some eggs. Dinner is serrrrved.
Just kidding..it's actually my third dinner today.

Get a Life

I just spent five minutes sitting on my bed, looking at my two closet door mirrors making funny faces because of the two slightly offset reflections. I totally mastered The Hunchback, with one eye lower than the other and a crooked nose.

To Do List:

1. Get a life
2. ...no..number one pretty much covers it all.

Oh I'd say this happens about once a week...

The first thing I noticed was the peculiar way she held her pen. I wondered how she actually managed to write anything legibly with her head tilted to one side, elbow sticking out, and the pen grasped in her hand like it weighed as much as her textbook. I'm sure she saw me looking at her as I waited for my Starbucks drink to be made. I didn't meet her gaze, but looked down with what probably came across as a polite smile. I talked with the staff, who know me by name, and then I went and found a seat. It wasn't a complete accident that I chose a spot so that my view of her wasn't blocked, though the place was full enough that my options were limited. It felt a little bit creepy, but she caught me accidentally gazing at her a few times and answered with the exact same polite smile and then we'd both look at our laptops again. So pretty, great smile, and not stuck up.

She had a university binder, a mac book, and a study buddy. Damn you, study buddy. You only make it easier for me to make excuses not to make a move. She was intently studying, and I should have been, but we both kept looking up, listening to the surrounding conversations, not really enjoying this academic monotony.

I knew I wasn't going to get anything done while she was there. She kept looking over and I'd pretend not to notice. She held my gaze for at least three seconds when she stood up to order another drink. Damn it Josh. DO something! What is it you think you have to lose?! She was so pretty, and not so shy that she would avoid interaction with strangers.

I daydreamed of the idea of just going up and talking to her. But what would I say? You always see in the movies there's that hot european guy who's sitting talking with some American blonde and he's stumbling to find the right words in his limited English vocabulary to tell her some simplistic fact or give a weak compliment. And the girl is all like "oh he's so cute trying passionately to speak to me. I don't even care what he's trying to say, it's the thought that counts." But you know, if I were trying to say something to this girl, and I stumbled on my words, she'd think I was an idiot. I don't get that grace period of 50-100 words to stutter something that might actually be interesting and/or witty. I'd sooner write a note and turn it into a paper airplane, fly it across starbucks than go over there, and if I didn't trip and fall, I'd start sputtering something about exams-um how's studying-whatcha drinking..-er--hi i'm Josh. I don't even know what would happen next.

They say it never hurts to ask, and that's true. But it's the answer that can kill.

And I guess for today, I'd rather think I was an idiot for not trying, than for her and her cursed study buddy to think I was an idiot for being nervous about a pretty girl. It's a good thing I don't have to pay for these Starbucks drinks, because I feel like each one represents a missed opportunity just because I don't have the guts to make a fool of myself. Idiot. I hate the waiting game. I'd rather make things happen. If I knew what I could have done, I might have done something. I bet she would have been totally up for it too. Idiot.

And it's not like I had this confidence once. The only real relationship I've been in almost happened by accident. We did not technically know it was a date until I MSN'd her two hours before and said "wait..so are you considering this a date?" since we'd actually planned it as a bunch of friends getting together and going to a movie, but neither of us actually invited these friends, "Cuz I am." And she replied "yeh."

Whoa Josh. Nice one. You really made that happen.What were you, 16 years old?

...Yes.

My confidence was never broken, because it was never built in the first place. The best I've gotten is a 'yeh'.

Gah. She left. Screw this. I'm out.

This final essay is not getting done until tomorrow. Progress in life today: ZERO.

Although I did enjoy this drink.

Spicy Song Of The Week

Ok guys. One final down, two to go. and then....um..oh man. What am I going to do with myself?

I was gonna take off to mexico next week, but i couldn't find my swim suit...so i had to cancel that ambitious adventure. I'll just have to spend time getting the knot out of my shoelaces, and then see how many times you can blink in one hour. If figure 3 blinks per second? But my eyes will get tired. I'll need gatorade. Yes. Now I have plans.

Remember when I posted Spicy Song Of The Week at the BEGINNING of the week? It's now tuesday night. Next week, I'll be on time. So the song that gets the short end of the stick this week is:

Ride

Cary Brothers

The Last Kiss Soundtrack

It's a cool song, from an awesome movie. This is the second Spicy Song Of The Week off this soundtrack. Get it.

Someone stopped me at school today. He said "hey..aren't you in the band Walking Backwards?" And a few people sitting around all look up and I say "um..yeah, I am." and he says "Cool, I saw you play an awesome show recently." And i'm like aww yea but all i say is "cool man. I'm glad you liked it." And we talked for a few minutes and he said he'd come to another show when we have one. And so like yeah. Rockstarrrrrrr

Would it be totally wrong to put a house song on the playlist? Because I just found a song that is fantastic x 8, and I remember dancing  to this song for like 10 hours in a club in Spain , and--oh..sorry Cary Brothers. This is your week to shine...half week.

Rules For Deleting Facebook Friends

SO you're looking through your friend list, inviting people to your ugly sweater christmas party, open house, or concert, and your brain hurts from trying to filter through your contacts, carefully avoiding elementary school friends, people from other countries, and awkward ex-girlfriend's ex-friends who you never really liked anyways. It brings up a very important question: When is it okay to delete facebook friends? Because to insult someone you don't want to be friends with anyways: what a horrible thing to do.

Well my friend Marya has grappled with this question for some time, and eventually developed a set of guidelines that made her feel better about friend purging. Legend has it she once deleted 200 friends in one sitting, so she knows how it's done right. Listen up, and you too can become fake-friend-free in no time. And I quote:

"if at least 2 of the following are true...

a) we've never spoken since they added me (via facebook or in person)
b) I don't recognize the name within 10 seconds
c) when I go to their page, I also don't recognize their face
d) we never had any kind... of relationship BEFORE they added me
e) they're not family
f) they probably wouldn't notice for many months, if ever, that we're no longer friends
g) I feel nauseous when any kind of news feed from this person shows up on my page
h) I DON'T KNOW THEM
i) we're friends through someone else ONLY... and would avoid eye contact if that mutual friend were not present

... it likely doesn't make sense that we're facebook friends."

I can easily name at least 5 people for any option. But if I deleted all of them, i'd have about 22 friends on facebook, give or take 19. Soooo I'll just let it be. Also, please don't read this and defriend me. Not cool. My ego can't take it.

Memory: Slowly, It All Will Fade To Black.

Some random mumblings on the idea of memory, the past, time, and forgetting. 

Why they concern me today? I don't know.

 

 _________________________________________________

I want / I'm waiting for / How can I find

something new / something forgotten / something lost

___________________________________________

Me: Grandma, one day soon, I'd like you to tell me the story of your life.
Grandma: Well, usually they tell that story at the funeral.

Me: ...I'd like to hear it before then.

_____________________________________________

A recollection of a girl:

When a memory loses the war with time

I've lost all that once was mine.

When the little things are forgotten
(but surely there were little things, right?)

When she has forgotten that there were the little things
(Vague, dim, hazy...)
When she forgets that she has forgotten.
 (Damn it, Time, what is left for us?)

What's worse than forgetting?--

Losing physical traces of what she remembers.

Losing the people who share her memory.

Losing people to time, to distance.

The people I shared those memories with:

When they forget

and I forget

Then suddenly, it's like it never happened.

There's nothing like living in the past,

Always with her head turned around

looking the other way.

It hurts her after a while.

The present is just a single fleeting breath

between where she will go

and the place she just left

It is of little use, since her past led her here

and her future will lead you away,

 Nothing more than a reference point to gauge her next step

A chance to pause, and:

to forget what never mattered, to love and regret what did,

to focus on what hasn't happened yet,

The challenges she has not met.

The future-

so uncertain!

And yet to fear it is so irrational

Passion is a better fuel than fear, no doubt.

For if a turned head led me in here-

to this cave of craving something I once knew,

then perhaps forgetting will lead me out?

Then let it go:

The good, the bad, that longing for that which I've never had.

And grab hold:

Something new, something better, something true.

And allow the memories to wither, as the many become the few.

Crappy Newspapers Report Crappy News Stories Crappily

I don't really care if you like CFL (that's Canadian Football, unfortunately. Not College Football.). That's fine. But the idea of hyping up the idea of EIGHT TEAMS competing to be named the BEST is a bit laughable.

Seriously? This is exciting? When you look at the numbers and stats, it's not even close to interesting. But on Grey Cup day, the teams and fans get ansty and pysched and nervous and edgy, and i'm sure that makes for a very interesting game. However, I was too busy cutting my fingernails to tune in. Priorities, you know.

But anyways I just wanted to give you a glimpse of just how action packed and hardcore CFL is (small inaudible scoff), given the Grey Cup game last weekend. With Montreal's come-from-behind-last-minute-holy-cow-i-can't-believe-that-just-happened victory against those melonheaded Saskatchewan Roughriders, it made for some emotionally packed moments after the game as both teams tried to comprehend what had just happened. I thought you ought to see just how exciting the after math was:

This is how the winner reacted:

"I'm so disappointed that I wasn't in the NFL when this happened so more than 29 people could see me win. Plus, I bet against us in my betting pool."

Aaand this is how the loser reacted:

"I'm so disappointed that the NFL will never draft me after my loss to Montreal!"

Holy. I know, right? I wish I had been there too, given the intensity of the pictures. I think what happened here is the players felt strong emotion about their win/loss, and didn't know how to handle it, so they just fell down. Poor guys.

I make fun of this purely because as Francisco and I were sitting in A&W on 'break', we read the newspaper, and the Calgary Sun felt that these two pictures were the best choices for showing the very different reactions from both teams. Well put, Calgary Sun. So articulate. So intelligent.

It's okay guys, we'll make up for our Football league by winning the STANLEY CUP.

haha...hm.

Spicy Song Of The Week

So I'm in the clear. I turned in my last paper of the semester today! Back to staying up until 4am for no good reason. Back to trying to remember all the things I wanted to do but had no time because I was so busy. With absolutely no segue, here is the Spicy Song Of The Week:

See These Bones

Nada Surf

Lucky

[song to be uploaded when possible. not my fault]

Yesterday I was in a BAD mood. Like, Shrek trying to find a christas gift in the freakin mall on december 23rd with all the crazy teens who have too much money and no imagination swarming around.

Like I was living in a garbage can. It was not good. And for no reason at all, you know?

Have you noticed that grumpy characters are always green

And it was this song that kinda made me relax and just sit there and accept that I was probably not going to get the essay done til 3am. Such is life. So thanks, song. Thanks for reminding me that school will always be frustrating, but making feel better about it at the same time.

Time to go play some music!