Actually?

I took the train home last night from work. It's getting super cold, and I can't imagine enjoying the scenic route home late at night. Besides, I don't like getting hit by cars as much as I thought. However, I do bike to the train, as I avoid walks whenever possible..unless it's a walk on the beach or something like that...but if I'm trying to get somewhere, I'd rather make that happen quickly.

So I bike to the train and board it quickly. One station later, two cops get on. We are officially the only three people in the car, so it gets a little awkward. I suddenly get flashbacks of an two experiences that happened recently involving authority, the train, and Josh.

1

The first was this summer, when Darcy and I were coming home from an afternoon of largely unsuccessful busking downtown. While during the school year, we are provided with 'free' transit passes, we're on our own for the summer break. Naturally, we both refuse to pay. So we risk it, talking all the way home about how useless transit cops are sicne we've never seen them actually ask for a ticket from a passenger. As we approach the station, however, we are cautious because we realised we've probably jinxed our luck. Sure enough ,there's four transit cops forming a human wall, letting only checked passengers through the doors into the free world. But I've never actually seen them before, so like Mowgli checking out the cute girl in Jungle Book, I decide to get a 'closer look.' I actually get off the train to see if there's a way past them, and realize the futility of the plan. I turn around to tell Darcy the very obvious fact "Yup, they are transit cops, so let's not get off at this station." However, before I finish my sentence, the doors close, and the train pulls away, leaving me stunned on the platform. Shucks, I said. Now what? I froze, assuming the position of a tree in order to remain undetected. The platform cleared out and soon it was just Me and Them. I hoped my tree-like pose would save me, though I think the guitar on my back gave me away. One of them moved slowly towards me, and I slowly walked as far away as possible. Just as I was about to give up, another train pulled up, heading the other way, and I boarded it and escaped, the officer suspiciously glaring me down. Success!...minus the long walk home.

2

The other story happened this last week. This time I had a transit pass but my cousin Lena did not. I told her "please..the chances of them being on our train and asking us within the next three stops is preetttyyy slim."  Obviously, I wouldn't bother writing this out if that's what actually happened. As we waited for the train, two cops suddenly walked up and stood beside us. Lena silently died a little, and I tried to strategize. Surely they aren't going to ask us for tickets as we are trying to board the train. We decided to get on the furthest car and see what happens. The next station, they switched cars, and we realized that eventually, they would be on our car. The train stopped and we got off just as they boarded our car, but couldn't make it to the front car in time, so we were forced to wait for another train. 10 minutes later, we got on the next train, but I knew the danger wasn't yet over. They could easily have finished checking the first train and now be waiting to catch THIS one. Sure enough, they were waiting on the platform. We were forced to escape the train again, and decided to make the 15 minute walk to our destination. All in all, it was a half hour process to travel 4 stops. But it's the principal of the thing! It's simply wrong to pay for a ticket. 

So this cold night while I'm catching the train home from work, the three of us stood quietly for 3 minutes. Then they began to wander down the length of the car, and I scoffed.

"Actually?"

"Sorry?" they said, turning around to face me.

"It's the first time I've ever been in a situation to be checked for a ticket, and you're not even going to ask? I mean, you've got your clipboards for writing up tickets right in your hands!"

They were slightly confused by my attitude, and suddenly assumed a more hardline approach.

"Well ..yeah--Yes, we were going to ask you!" and with a menacing glare, he added, "You do have one, don't you?"

I fished in my wallet, suddenly realizing the irony that I might not have my transit pass on me. Alas, I did, and I showed him my student ID. He bent down slightly to analyze it and nodded. He almost gave it back, but then gave in and softened his demeanor again. "What is this?" he asked. "People keep showing me this, but I don't even know what it is."

I openly laughed at the idea that I should be explaining the law to a police officer, and I let him know how silly that sounded. He chuckled too, and I explained to the slightly embarrassed cop how to tell if the transit pass was valid. "It has an expiry date here, and another sticker on the back."

He thanked me and continued on his way, eventually arresting two fighting idiots at the next station. He at least handled that situation well.

Moral of this story is don't pay for transit passes. Just wave an official looking document in their faces with a smile and they'll be forced to believe it.