H1Nwhat?

You'll probably hate me after this. That's okay. Swine flu will getcha.

I don't know whether to be outraged or to double over laughing at this situation-- whole Swine Flu thing. I would like to make a bet with someone who is getting the flu shot. If you get the flu, you owe me $100.55. However, if I, the unvaccinated wreckless guy gets the flu, i'll pay you $100.55. The odds are even because there's so little chance of the vaccination helping you, that our chances still remain pretty much equal! So I'll gladly come to you on your "deathbed" and remind you of our little bet. But because when you wake up the next morning suddenly feeling a lot better, you'll be able to write me that cheque without shaky writing. And Yes, I want cheque. It's more dramatic.

 Let's just stop and think about this. Or tell you what, go get in line for the shot, and  read this while you wait for three hours.  From personal experience, the one time I got a a flu shot was the same season I got the flu twice. I think this 'pandemic' is a joke. A sick, sick, joke (HAH. get it? sick?). Oh a pandemic will come, eventually-- the joke is thinking you can be 'immune' to it.

I'm not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, but remember back in the '80s (no, I wasn't alive either), there was a swine flu scare then, too. More people ended up dying from the vaccine than from the strain that the vaccine was protecting you against. So..that means it worked right? I mean, no one got the flu! :D yay...!

Good thing we aren't rushing the development process and we'll get the vaccine right this time around, eh? OH. WAIT. Did you ever think this whole thing might have been created by pharmaceutical companies ? Did you know about 500,000 people die every year of the regular flu viruses that circulate the globe? But you don't want numbers.  Facts? Hah. Please.

The real pandemic right now is fear. (Quote that.) And fear is a valuable thing to a lot of people. Some Suits and Big Wigs stand to make a buck when enough of the population herds like sheep and buy buy buy. In this case, it's your tax dollars paying for your vaccinations. Are you aware that the Canadian government bought FIFTY MILLION doses from a pharmaceutical company. Wait, hold on a sec while I do a head-count of Canadians...

Hmm.. hey guys, we seem to be missing a few million people...like 15 million of them. Oh--no wait, as it turns out, uber-paranoid moms are so gung-ho that they figured they better get TWO just to be "EVEN SAFER, right? RIGHT!?"

The following is a transcript of the Canadian government contacting Australia to order the shot:

Canada: Yes, Hi, Australian pharmaceutical company CSL Ltd? Hey, buddy. It's Canada. We'd like some of that stuff you got.

Australia: Yeah man, how you been? Yeah I got some for you. It's good quality, this time, for sure..for sure. Sorry 'bout the last time, you know? But that's just how drugs go sometimes. You can get a nasty trip, or smooth sailing? Right?

Canada: No worries. It's all just for a good time anyways. So what do you got for me this time?

Australia: Well, man, I got a couple choices for you. There's one with an immune system booster, or one without.

Canada: well, why did ya make one without?

Australia: ..We aren't really sure if the immune booster (adjuvants) is safe for pregnant people or kids. But hey man, it's all good.

Canada: Hm..but the other one is safe for sure?

Australia: DUDE. IT'S DRUGS. Why you gettin all panicky on me?! You don't trust me? HUH?

Canada: I trust you! :-/

Australia: HUH? DO YOU?

Canada: Um--ye-yeah! I'll take it.

Australia: Man you freakin me out. Calm down. It's all good.

Canada: uh--thanks dude.sorry.

Australia: Good. How much you want?

Canada: um bout 30 million?

Australia: THIRTY Aw HELL no you want FIFTY, you hear? Don't make me come find you! AND YOU ORDER BOTH TYPES TOO!

Canada: Okay! We'll take f-f-fifty million! Please don't hurt me!

I guess I just think it's sad that we're gonna have to convert the Walmart into a mass funeral home after everyone gets their shot and then thinks they're safe, and then the side effects kick in. The regular burial services will be all booked up.

And the Walmart greeters will say: "Aisles one through nine for little boys and old people, ten through 20 for the girls and pregnant moms. Here, have a smiley face sticker!" 

And if that's the case, I know a lot of university students who will have to find free parking elsewhere since the parking lots will be full. That's a cryin shame.

PS...you know what's IN these vaccines and how they tested them, right?

Or..we could realize that we are actually killing each other faster through violence and bad driving and not wearing helmets and getting hit by SUVS (idiots) faster than this H1N1 is getting us, so it's not worth the panick. Don't believe a thing I say, but at least look into the data of that vaccine you stick in your arm. Not that propoganda, fear mongering BS. Check out the side effects, see who gets affected most by them. Don't just follow.

So the joke is this: We're all gonna die if that's how the virus decides it's gonna be, or the flu shot can work and we'll all survive this round..until the virus (or cancer, or AIDS, or a famine...or aliens) comes back even harder to curb our population numbers. We are out of control.

Either way, you don't get the last laugh.

I wish I'd invested in that pharmecutical company, hey? Then even if I die from this flu, I could at least die on a nice island somewhere, pukin my guts out on the beach instead of a cold, dank bathroom in Canada.

Ah..pass the ColdFX and a pina colada, please!

Bring it, I say. I won't ask God "why" when some pandemic sweeps through. There's too many of us, and nature seeks balance to correct our selfish populating. That's the way the world goes round.

Thoughts?