Time To Catch Up. How you been?

Saturday evening, I pruned my 3 year old fig tree. In accordance with all my previous plants, it needs a name. After all, there is Abe the Aloe Vera (check out how the 'lo' in 'aloe' forms a 'b' in 'Abe. You think that was an accident? ...It was.), Chuck the Cherry Tomato Plant, and Humphrey, my cactus (this is before I knew what alliteration was). I loved that cactus. It somehow captured the essence of my exact sentiment and life-view when I was 12 years old. And so, a name for my fig tree? I shall name it... Fidel The Fig Tree. Fidel means 'faithful'. A fitting name because it faithfully didn't die on me this month.

It was on the verge of dying though. 'One leaf at a time', you might say. Not all of the sudden, not for any one reason, ..and definitely not my fault..obviously. It's not because I didn't water it: it just needed too much water to begin with. It's not because I put it too close to the cold window. It just can't handle our non-Mediterranean climate as well as it ought to. It didn't call out, and it probably didn't even realize its dwindling existence. One leaf at a time. September and October were not kind to Fidel. He didn't grow any, he didn't push himself, he just sat there, watching everything go by.

Goodness, this plant sounds like someone I know.

Let me tell you about "This One Guy". No need to name names. This  One Guy woke up one day last week, and thought "Hmm..It's been a few days since I've gone to school, maybe I should check in." And so off he went to class. He was early, leaving him nothing to do but sit outside the class room and wait. The Prof happened to walk by, and since it was a small class, he greeted 'this one guy' by name. They proceeded to have a conversation...Also, he was holding a baking sheet of muffins.

Prof: what are you doing here?

TOG: I'm just waiting for class.

Prof: you mean..MY class?

TOG: um..yeah.

Prof: Right...well, class was yesterday. you missed it. Do you even know what day it is?

TOG: Oh. Um..[looks down at shoes and pouts] ...no.

Prof: Get it together, man. Oh. Want a muffin?

TOG: [still analyzing shoes] what kind?

Prof:  Banana, I believe.

TOG: Lame. No. [Exit stage left, goes home, goes to bed. Wakes up many hours later..craving a muffin.]

This One Guy is kinda an idiot. A slacker, to say the least. We'll even call him a slob in need of a haircut and a self-help section or two.

Again...sounds familiar...

Let me tell you about this other guy. We'll call him Alfred Dyck, A. Dyck for short...his real name is unimportant. He was in such a numb dumb daze that he didn't bother to pay attention to anyone around him. He was so self absorbed in his own boredom, he missed important occasions. Let's listen in as he enjoys a family meal at his parents house 5 days later after the missed event:

A. Dyck: Thanks for dinner Mom.  That was tasty. Beats KD, I'll say that much.

Mom: Your diet is depressing. Eat healthier! Also, there's cake for dessert.

A Dyck: No..thanks, though. I really should avoid sugar right now. But why is there cake?

Mom: It's birthday cake.

A Dyck: Oh! Great! Who's birthday was it?

[the room suddenly felt cold, and it wasn't because the window was open]

Mom: ...It was your dad's...Tuesday.

A Dyck: ...Oh. [He connects some dots and realizes that his sister called from rural africa to wish Dad a happy birthday that day, and he couldn't even remember while living in the same timezone. He also realises that the only thing he can do now is have a piece of cake, making him feel more included in the festivities.] I guess I'll have a piece.

And where was all this going?

The truth is, for the past two months, I've been that fig tree, falling apart one leaf at a time. I've been That One Guy who stumbles around in a daze, avoiding everyone. And anyone who forgets a family member's birthday is A Dyck.

It was not a great two months. I had no will to go to class, look for a job, or meet up with friends.  I went days without speaking a word. These two situations above along with failing a midterm equaled rock bottom. And I didn't even see it coming.  So last week, in the midst of all the above situations, I decided that Sunday, November 1st would be a fresh start. I'd become that pruned fig tree and start prioritizing and saving money and all sorts of stuff. I made a 'Fix List', for things I need to fix in my life so i stop wasting time, energy, and money, and instead start living laughing and loving again.

So since Saturday, I've been playing catch-up and attempting to figure out how I'm going to get myself out of the hole I dug. it reminds me of this magazine article about Miss Lohan:

Silly people. Lindsay Lohan can't hit 'rock bottom'. She just whips out a jackhammer and Keeps...On...Going. (PS..I didn't read this magazine. Promise.)

Fortunately, I'm a million times cooler than her (and have a substantially lesser amount of cocaine in my bloodstream). So instead of digging deeper, it's not going to be as hard as I thought to get myself back on track. But playing catch up explains my blogging absence.

Of course, now that I'm caught up in school ...I can afford to begin procrastinating again!

I had a job interview at Joey Tomatoes. As a restaurant, they are well known as employing only the best looking people. They remind you that we are not all created equally when it comes to appearance. On the application, they ask me to rate my 'hotness' on a scale from one to ten.  I wrote 11. In the business ethics section of the interview, they asked whether it was "very likely, somewhat likely, or not likely" that I would sleep with the manager or head waitress in hopes of a raise. I laughed and said, 'Not very likely, but I'm flattered by the offer. I'm just not looking for that kind of thing right now. It's not you, it's me.'

They haven't called me back.

Spicy Song of the week coming soon!