Halloween+Jesus?

I'm not a big holiday person, but I don't want to be a party pooper.

Is it totally disrespectful and vulgar and morally wrong to go as Jesus to a Halloween party (I'll only know one person there)? What about as a modern day Jesus, like 'Incarnate' style? The message it would portray is "Hey, you know..Jesus could come back as an every day guy, and he might even come to a Halloween party. I mean, he's gotta be well liked, and you'll be more popular if you go to Halloween parties, right? So keep your eyes open...if you believe in that idea..."

It doesn't really matter what I believe, but we can reasonably agree there IS a chance that Jesus could pay us a visit. We don't have to believe it to know the story and understand the possibility of it being true.. I mean,  no one knows anything for sure. We can agree, whatever his agenda was, that Jesus was probably a pretty nice guy back in his day. I'd pick him for dodgeball. So at this Halloween party,  all I would have to do is show up, be awesome (not difficult), and maybe I'd get a chuckle or two.

I'd really like some opinions on this one. I don't want to be offensive...this time.

My costume would consist of a nice shirt and pants...Casual. I may or may not tote a bible, and a classic name tag reading "HI My name is... Jesus"..none of the tacky 'Jesus garb' that I find really cheesy and mockery...it makes him like a mascot for his team when he's wearing that white dress thingy and red sash.


This situation reminds me of a renowned French artist in the '20s who submitted (under an alias) a mass-produced urinal as an art piece. He titled it "Fountain". People loved the joke and thought provoking conversation, but many people really disliked calling it 'art'.


But whoa now. Let's not debate religion or what constitutes art...even though a costume of Jesus crosses into both those realms. I just wanna know: How uncool is the costume idea?

Some people find even THIS representation offensive.

Such a touchy subject.

Why?

Comments!

H1Nwhat?

You'll probably hate me after this. That's okay. Swine flu will getcha.

I don't know whether to be outraged or to double over laughing at this situation-- whole Swine Flu thing. I would like to make a bet with someone who is getting the flu shot. If you get the flu, you owe me $100.55. However, if I, the unvaccinated wreckless guy gets the flu, i'll pay you $100.55. The odds are even because there's so little chance of the vaccination helping you, that our chances still remain pretty much equal! So I'll gladly come to you on your "deathbed" and remind you of our little bet. But because when you wake up the next morning suddenly feeling a lot better, you'll be able to write me that cheque without shaky writing. And Yes, I want cheque. It's more dramatic.

 Let's just stop and think about this. Or tell you what, go get in line for the shot, and  read this while you wait for three hours.  From personal experience, the one time I got a a flu shot was the same season I got the flu twice. I think this 'pandemic' is a joke. A sick, sick, joke (HAH. get it? sick?). Oh a pandemic will come, eventually-- the joke is thinking you can be 'immune' to it.

I'm not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, but remember back in the '80s (no, I wasn't alive either), there was a swine flu scare then, too. More people ended up dying from the vaccine than from the strain that the vaccine was protecting you against. So..that means it worked right? I mean, no one got the flu! :D yay...!

Good thing we aren't rushing the development process and we'll get the vaccine right this time around, eh? OH. WAIT. Did you ever think this whole thing might have been created by pharmaceutical companies ? Did you know about 500,000 people die every year of the regular flu viruses that circulate the globe? But you don't want numbers.  Facts? Hah. Please.

The real pandemic right now is fear. (Quote that.) And fear is a valuable thing to a lot of people. Some Suits and Big Wigs stand to make a buck when enough of the population herds like sheep and buy buy buy. In this case, it's your tax dollars paying for your vaccinations. Are you aware that the Canadian government bought FIFTY MILLION doses from a pharmaceutical company. Wait, hold on a sec while I do a head-count of Canadians...

Hmm.. hey guys, we seem to be missing a few million people...like 15 million of them. Oh--no wait, as it turns out, uber-paranoid moms are so gung-ho that they figured they better get TWO just to be "EVEN SAFER, right? RIGHT!?"

The following is a transcript of the Canadian government contacting Australia to order the shot:

Canada: Yes, Hi, Australian pharmaceutical company CSL Ltd? Hey, buddy. It's Canada. We'd like some of that stuff you got.

Australia: Yeah man, how you been? Yeah I got some for you. It's good quality, this time, for sure..for sure. Sorry 'bout the last time, you know? But that's just how drugs go sometimes. You can get a nasty trip, or smooth sailing? Right?

Canada: No worries. It's all just for a good time anyways. So what do you got for me this time?

Australia: Well, man, I got a couple choices for you. There's one with an immune system booster, or one without.

Canada: well, why did ya make one without?

Australia: ..We aren't really sure if the immune booster (adjuvants) is safe for pregnant people or kids. But hey man, it's all good.

Canada: Hm..but the other one is safe for sure?

Australia: DUDE. IT'S DRUGS. Why you gettin all panicky on me?! You don't trust me? HUH?

Canada: I trust you! :-/

Australia: HUH? DO YOU?

Canada: Um--ye-yeah! I'll take it.

Australia: Man you freakin me out. Calm down. It's all good.

Canada: uh--thanks dude.sorry.

Australia: Good. How much you want?

Canada: um bout 30 million?

Australia: THIRTY Aw HELL no you want FIFTY, you hear? Don't make me come find you! AND YOU ORDER BOTH TYPES TOO!

Canada: Okay! We'll take f-f-fifty million! Please don't hurt me!

I guess I just think it's sad that we're gonna have to convert the Walmart into a mass funeral home after everyone gets their shot and then thinks they're safe, and then the side effects kick in. The regular burial services will be all booked up.

And the Walmart greeters will say: "Aisles one through nine for little boys and old people, ten through 20 for the girls and pregnant moms. Here, have a smiley face sticker!" 

And if that's the case, I know a lot of university students who will have to find free parking elsewhere since the parking lots will be full. That's a cryin shame.

PS...you know what's IN these vaccines and how they tested them, right?

Or..we could realize that we are actually killing each other faster through violence and bad driving and not wearing helmets and getting hit by SUVS (idiots) faster than this H1N1 is getting us, so it's not worth the panick. Don't believe a thing I say, but at least look into the data of that vaccine you stick in your arm. Not that propoganda, fear mongering BS. Check out the side effects, see who gets affected most by them. Don't just follow.

So the joke is this: We're all gonna die if that's how the virus decides it's gonna be, or the flu shot can work and we'll all survive this round..until the virus (or cancer, or AIDS, or a famine...or aliens) comes back even harder to curb our population numbers. We are out of control.

Either way, you don't get the last laugh.

I wish I'd invested in that pharmecutical company, hey? Then even if I die from this flu, I could at least die on a nice island somewhere, pukin my guts out on the beach instead of a cold, dank bathroom in Canada.

Ah..pass the ColdFX and a pina colada, please!

Bring it, I say. I won't ask God "why" when some pandemic sweeps through. There's too many of us, and nature seeks balance to correct our selfish populating. That's the way the world goes round.

Thoughts?

Spicy Song Of The Week

Go ahead and hit play as you read this...the player is on the left!


One of my cousins is feeling the blow of a first breakup, my best friend has swine flu (probably), and I just heard a siren outside. My sister is in AFRICA, and I don't have a Halloween costume. Such chaos and heartbreak and stress and uncertainty. This world is going somewhere fast...except for me, who is just sitting on the couch, thinking that since I don't have a test until Friday, and no assignments due this week, I should probably be booking a flight to Mexico, right? I mean, why not?

I think we all need to chill out a bit. Stop stressing and pushing and fighting. Just Calm Down, Please. So many people are getting so caught up in the little details, they've forgotten how to relax and just smile for the sake of smiling--and I say 'forgotten' with the generous assumption that most people once did know how to step back, remember their priorities, and slap themselves in the face to bring themselves back to reality. Life is pretty big. We all seem to get so freakin' confused by life. Like a dyslexic child eating alphabet soup, our faces scrunch up and contort as we try to figure everything out at once. Don't. Please. It wears me out.

The point of life has to be the questions, because you'll never get the answers. Right? RIGHT?! Answer me!

hah.

The World Spins Madly On

The Weepies

Say I Am You

Keep on running guys. All life long. We'll see where you get. I don't want to 'grow up', or 'smarten up' or any of that. I swear we are all gonna die of cancer and heart attacks due to stress, and I'm not down for that. I smile for the sake of smiling, because then other people smile, and that's cool. I laugh, I relax (granted, I probably do that part too often...), and I try not to bottle stuff up. I don't worry excessively, and I take it as it comes. Go reach your high goals, but do it with a smile because you want to, or don't do it at all.

Can we all just calm down this week?

Sersly.

Please Don't...

I understand that a facebook rant is a dime a dozen in the blogosphere.

So what? 

Those 'suggestions' in facebook are pretty irritating. Sometimes when I'm frustrated, I just "X" through them as fast as possible yelling "screw you facebook" over and over. Please don't tell me how to run my social life. Don't tell me who should be my friend, which bands I should be a fan of.

Now they've added a new type:

"RECONNECT with (so and so)."

What are you saying, Facebook? Do you think that maybe 'so and so' is wishing I'd write her a message so as to break some awkward silence that's developed? I hope 'so and so' isn't feeling offended right now. Gee, Facebook, thanks for giving me a social tip.

I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I decided to take Fbook's advice, just in case:

Hey Leah,

I know we haven't talked in a year and a half. I hear you're married. Good times? Um..I know this is pretty random, but you probably saw Facebook suggesting that you 'reconnect' with me too, and I knew that if we both just 'X'ed it out, then we'd feel a little awkward, wondering why we are still facebook friends. I mean, don't you live in Utah now? How's the weather? Call me if you're in town, we'll chill again...although we never really did anyways..lol.

But anyways, if you wanna delete me, that's cool. This ball is in your court. Laterzzzz.

Yeah...I hope you're happy facebook. Lame advice    :-(

And rant part two: don't add me as a friend based on these suggestions. I'll know that's how it went down, because you didn't send me a message telling me how much you've missed me or asking how life is. You'll just out of the blue add me, and then expect to fade back into social oblivion. No way man. You've now forced me to DECLINE your request, AND send you a message saying:

Hey,

I think it's safe to say that we've managed all these years without finding one reason to talk. I mean, we never even talked in highschool, so why should we talk now? And clearly the answer is "no, we don't need to talk" since you didn't have any reason to write me a message or even a note when you added me. But hey man, I ain't mad or anything...but I ain't your friend, either.

J

PS, check out my blog, read it all, and my band has a facebook page (become a fan!), come to my shows, and definitely buy a CD. 

:D

Aight? Cool. Nice to hear from you!

.... :D

C'mon people, Facebook can be a good thing. Enough is enough.

Let's not let it go down the potty. 

( HAH. POOP!)

Nailing a Hammer

Or is that hammering a nail?

Either way, I've been doing some serious work on fixing up this blog. The construction process added a few more features (or room for them once we get that far), and fixed a couple extremely terrible bugs.

>Much to my dismay, I discovered that on many people's computers, my music player was starting automatically every time the page loaded. I believe I have fixed that. If it's not fixed for you, please let me know, as I would personally find it very annoying to suddenly have unwarranted music blasting at me everytime I dare visit this site.

>Also, fewer posts are now displayed at once.

(Can you believe I've spent 7 hours on all this...until 4 am?!)

>the newly fixed up music player is taking up space in the brand new column on the left, instead of at the bottom, so you can quickly choose to listen to that Spicy Song Playlist.

(Listen, I currently have no life, so this is what happens.)

>The search bar works. So...Google your heart out?

You know how cool it would be if I could find a widget that was like a notepad or something that ANYONE (you!) could draw on, and it would be saved until ANYONE else (you!) drew something else?

THIS COOL.

It's crazy that I'd rather spend 7 hours learning all this garbage code and computer stuff, but showing up to school for a class at noon seems to require so much more effort. Or maybe it's that getting my blog figured out has tangible results, and a university degree...does not. Oh.

CRAZY story:

I lost my phone!

(Oh no)

...and then I found it!

(Oh good)

I know, right!?

My Litte Brother And Sister

This was written by my cousin Shaylen about my little brother and sister. It had to be shared.

"

Life Is Beautiful, and Heartbreaking, and Amazing.

My Little Cousins Are Amazing.
And It Is Beautiful And Sad And Sometimes My Heart Could Explode.
And They Are Wise Beyond Their Years.
And They Are The Most Incredible Kids I Have Ever Known And Probably Will Ever Know.
And My Heart Swells With Love And Amazement And Joy and Sadness All At Once.
He Is Going To Be Such A Genius. His Sense Of Humour Is Dry and Hilarious And SO Developed For His Age.
She Is So Cute. And She Always Has Ideas, And She Is So Energetic And Giggly All The Time. Her Bedtime Prayers Break My Heart A Little More Inside Every Night I Hear Them.

I always forget how amazing these 2 little kids can be. But everytime I see them, I am reminded of the joys of life, and how unfair it is. I am reminded that my life is both better and not better than it seems, that I have so much to learn. They remind me to be grateful every day for what I have, because that is just their attitude. I went over there last night, feeling really crappy, and within 20 minutes I was laughing and feeling great. They just have a gift, and you can't NOT smile around them. Their happiness is contagious, their view of life intoxicating.

I love kids. Especially my amazing, beautiful, hearbreakingly great little cousins.

"

Question of the...Lifetime.

Why

Facebook Versus Studying

In the spirit of midterm season, I made this terrible cartoon. Click the photo to watch!

Tell all your friends how awesome it is. Haha..just kidding.


Oh man. I promise...
no more....for now.

Blahhhh.

So that's what I have accomplished today. Test in 10 hours! What can ya do, right?

Reading Between The Lines of Small Talk

 Hey.

 

(I know you don't really know me that well, and so this might seem kind of random but I wanted to ask you out to dinner for Friday--or Saturday if you're busy... But if you don't want to at all, that's cool too. Well..I'd be kinda disappointed...but...umm...anyways-- I know that's pretty forward considering we are sorta friends, but things don't have to get awkward, right? I realize that it kinda risks our chance of continuing to be friends, you knowing that i really like you--well, I don't really like you since that'd be silly--not because you're not likeable...because I like you--but I just barely know more than your name.)

How are you doing?

 

(I don't know if you feel the same way. I don't have a clue what is going on inside your head, but I thought I might as well get straight to the point. Not too say I can't be romantic or poetic. I can. But I'm no good at the games, you know? I can't read your mind and so i just try to speak mine clearly. I am trying to act casual and not say anything too edgy. But at the same time, I'm totally trying to impress you. Oh..but I'm also being myself...not that i'm just naturally an impressive guy, because i think i am...which i hope doesn't sound over confident...or edgy. Even though I am an edgy guy...i'd like to think. Oh man. what am I trying to say?)

That's Good. 

(I guess it's just that since the day I met you, you've caught my eye, and I've liked you more than I care to admit. But I guess i just did admit it, right? Is that creepy? Is that weird that I've liked you for so long but never properly told you? Does that make me look childish and weak? All I can do is tease you and make you laugh and give you almost meaningless compliments for fear you might read into it if I told you about your eyes or smile. How you warm my soul. And then you'd pull back. And if you don't want anything to happen, that's not the end of the world, I mean...Im not totally obsessed. Or at least, not in a creepy way. But I am crazy about you. You know? No? No..Of course you don't know. Nevermind.)

Talk to you later.

(I never know how much to say to you)

 

Nice to see you, by the way.

Who knew?

I didn't realize there was such an epic debate about fonts. Apparently, some people HATE certain fonts because they do not follow the typographical norms and rules....

I can understand someone not liking courier, or being bored with times new roman...but apparently, Comic Sans is the most widely despised font ever to exist. Really? I don't get it. It's just a font. Go type something in it. Not that big of a deal, is it? There's even an organisation set on banning the font! http://bancomicsans.com uses words like sanctity and heresy and ignorance in their mission statement.

um. get a life?

Anyways, in my quest into understanding how some people have more free time than I do led me to this video, which I thoroughly enjoyed.





MAILBOX!

How To Make Tomato Sauce (A Comic)

A (hypothetical) confrontation between me and a grumpy customer. I'm not even going to tell you how long this took....Enjoy?

Spicy Song Of The Week

I am slowly going crazy. A year ago, I was lying on a beach in Goa, India. I had the best steak of my life that night. Now, I know...steak? In India? Well, for you geography buffs, Goa is a Christian province, so hey, let's kill some cows!

But now here we are, looking at the weather forecast and complaining. Midterms and bills and indecision. Let's all shed a tear for this grim place we call home. Calgary is gray and wet and cold. The social aspect to this city is dead, which isn't to say it was ever alive. If it was alive, I think it died when they got rid of Bonkers, with all those tubes and slides and nets and levels that we got to climb around in until --ouch! I got shocked!

So just remember, you could be living in a beachfront room for $6 a day, eating delicious food, riding scooters, and running a business that sells cheesy clothing to the locals.Or opening a Bonkers.

And believe me, you'd probably live longer without all the stress that we unnecessarily put on ourselves.

With that in mind, I bring you a song that perfectly describes my level of brain activity as we proceed through this monotonous week. It's vocabulary surpasses my own, and its themes are too deep for me to swim in -- I drown in this song. Drown with me.

Mannah Mannah

The Muppets

When my brother was 3 years old, I rediscovered this song. So I taught it to him: He'd say "mannah mannah" in a cute baby voice, and I'd say "do doo do doo doo". And he'd fall over laughing every time.

That's honestly one of the best moments in my life ever. What a great kid.

The Curse of the Holey Shoe! YAR!

It does sound like a pirate movie, don't it? Some pirate adventure featuring Johnny Depp as a cunning peg-legged sailor who needs a shoe for his one non-peg foot. But as it turns out, there's only one place you can buy a SINGLE shoe: and it's an island fiercely guarded by an evil black witch who threatens to curse the shoe of anyone who only orders ONE. Because it's just not cool to do that.

But I ain't no pirate. Though if I was, I'd probably have an awesome pirate name like Scabby-eyed Sam, or Cold-hearted Crawdad. Jangled-Jugular Josh. Or just Bill.

YYAR!!

anyways...

I wanted to rant a little bit. "Shoe Karma" is killin' me. For the last 3 years, every pair of shoes I've ever bought has suddenly and mysteriously gotten holes in them within a couple weeks of me owning them. Other important fact: I've never spent more than $30 on a pair of shoes... until NOW.

DUN DUN DUN

After slyly coaxing me into a shoe store to "just have a look around", my friends convinced me to ORDER a pair of SEVENTY THREE DOLLAR SHOES that would arrive at my DOOR STEP in THREE DAYS.

OUTRAGEOUS. I would never do a thing like that. Not this guy. I wear the shoes right off my feet before I buy new ones.

But it's all in the hopes that spending more money means they will keep the water on the outside.

So they arrived. And they look good. And I like them. But my feet are so used to being soaked that I'm actually psychologically tricked into thinking that I'm still walking in puddles. Dry feet? What's that like?

Also, remember how I needed new jeans? Well I was told by the fashion police that until I bought new shoes, I couldn't buy new jeans, as they need to be coordinated. Who the heck makes all these rules? I'm have no fashion inclination at all. Thank goodness I have friends to help me spend my money, right? Right....

Hmph.

And now, a shoe-themed song I wrote.

THE NO SHOES BLUES

By Josh.

Hey, have you seen my shoes?
Without them, packing's no use
I'm off for a world trip
But I won't let my socks rip
So hey, have you seen my shoes?

I found 'em and I put ;em on
(left on the left foot, right on the right)
I walked out the front door singin' a song
As I went to board my flight:

Shoes!
I'd go nowhere if it weren't for you
These shoes!
Keepin' my feet from a-turnin' all
Blue from the cold and red from the heat
Shoes, shoes, I love you with all of my feet!

The thing about travellin' and walkin' around
Eventually these shoes were worn right down
Sahara stole the soles
Himalayas heisted m'heels
O Lament! I Can't control
This madness, ungladness, and sadness i feel!

Knots in these laces
The tongue's all a-choked
I'd love to trade places
With a newly-shoed bloke

But i couldn't throw 'em out
Or just toss em in the street
I wore on these worn shoes
--wore 'em right off my feet

One fateful day in some sunny summer sun
I was trekkin' on concrete and havin' some fun
When I felt my feet burnin'--my shoes were long gone
Shoutin' "Oh! Ah!" and "OUCH!" I broke into a run

My feet took me fastly and far
Despite the stubbed toes (that no doubt would scar)
from deep in my throat i sang of my woes
in a melancholic minor key this is how it goes:

Shoes!
I'm no one an' nowhere without you
No shoes to keep my toes from a-turnin'
All blue from the cold and red from the heat
Shoes, Shooooees, i loved you--with all of my feet!

____
Anyone else noticing how much time I've spent writing about shoes?

Nick nick nick na-nick nick nick, Nickelodeon!

I have this tendency to stay up until 2 or 3 AM and it sure does make it hard to get out of bed in time for class. When I do manage such a feat, I have to thank my alarm clock for it's persistent effort. It is entirely irreplaceable/unreplaceable. Suffice to say, if this alarm clock was broken or stolen,....oh no. I just searched ebay, amazon, and some black market chinese imports site for my alarm clock---and they aren't for sale anymore!

LIFE! WHY ME?!

You don't understand: I've never owned another alarm clock! I got it for christmas in 1995. I was 7 years old, and my parents were tired of waking me up for school every morning. This isn't just any alarm clock, either:

Ok, so it's a little bit obnoxious and extremely painful to wake up to this ruckus every morning, but I've developed a reflex so that my hand pounds the Big Red Button when the tiny electronic 'click' of the sound loop beginning. I don't actually ever hear my whole alarm. Unless I forget to turn it off after hitting 'snooze', and then nine minutes later it blasts out its tune again when I come back to my room from the shower.

I find it extremely difficult to watch the above video because that combination of sounds makes my heart pound as I search for a Big Red Button to pound to plastic pulp with a palpitating heart. I've probably lost hours off my life from waking up in such a state of terror and shock.

To think of all the big moments and days my alarm clock has woken me up for. The first day of grade four, when I went to private school and everyone hated me because of my ugly haircut (HAH NO I will not post a photo), the day I got my license, my first date, my last date, my first day of university. Today.

I love rolling over in the morning and the first thing I see: my alarm clock, there beside me. Loving me unconditionally. Almost smiling. Ahhh the memories..and then--

CHCHKCKHCKHCKHCKHC 

--THREE--TWO--ONE--

 Okay. I'm up....in nine more minutes.

Man, I'm tired of bad drivers

Every day, I bike to school. And every day, when I go to make a left turn, the oncoming traffic stops to let me by. People, just so you know: THIS IS WRONG. I do NOT have the right of way. KEEP DRIVING. Don't try and be nice..think about all the smarter people behind you who don't expect you to stop to let someone else go. If you don't have a stop sign, don't stop! When these roads get icy, and a car unexpectedly stops because for some stupid reason they think a guy on a bike has the right of way, someone is going to have to slam on their breaks behind you and your car won't be so pretty anymore when they bash into you. And I will point and laugh and tell you you deserve it. But the guy behind you didn't. So that's not fair.


One of these times when a car stops, I'm going to bike right in front of it, lean my bike on his hood, and knock on his/her window and give them a polite but stern lecture about the rules of the road.

Make sure you know the driving rules wherever you live. Winter is a crazy time, and yet I don't blame the ice for all the crashes.

Dear world,

Don't be dumb.

-Josh

Mmm

I was on my way to General Studies (my favourite and most attended class), and decided that due to the dropping temperatures, a steeped tea from Tim Horton's would make it an even more enjoyable experience. The line wasn't too long, which made this an easier process, too. But for some reason, people wait in line for 10 minutes just to buy a coffee, and then they get to the front of the line and when they are called forward with an 'I'd like to help you here!', they are somehow distracted and hold up the whole line because they won't go order their coffee! Come on people. Pull it together!

So what should have been a 5 minute wait is now pushing 7.5 minutes (brutal!), and yet I'm still in perfectly good spirits. I promptly approach the counter and get straight to the point. No need for small talk. Down to business:

"I'd like an Extra Large Steeped Tea, three sugar, two cream, please."

"What?"

"Steeped Tea, please. Extra Large, triple double." I quickly repeat.  I realise I don't know which one is triple and which one is double. Is the 'triple' part of that referring to cream? Or sugar? Who makes these rules?

"Um.." she turns around and has a conversation with a coworker, which appears to be entirely unrelated and then comes back to take my money. I have already counted out the $1.73 in exact change, and am looking to get this done efficiently. She takes my money and I move down the counter. I receive my steeped tea in good time, but from past experience I know I need to stir it. So I open the lid ..and there's no cream or sugar in it. I explain my unfortunate circumstances to the closest employee, and she quickly takes my cup, dumps out about 1/4 of the steep tea, and adds the cream and sugar. The cup is still about 1/4 empty, so she reaches for the pot and fills it back up.

"Wait!" I said, pointing to the pot in her hand, "Is that steeped tea?"

'You ordered a steeped tea, no?" she replies with attitude. I smiled and walked away, thanking her.

I'm walking through the hall and decide I better take a sip before venturing outside to my next class. I crack the lid and take a sip. And stop. My already large eyes get even wider--so wide, that if we were at laser quest and the little kids saw me in the black light, they'd scream and cry (therefore making it easier for me to shoot them repeatedly and pin them in a corner...throw in an evil laugh, and they're scarred for life! MUAHAHAHAAAAaaa...).

Something was different about this steeped tea. Really different. Really wonderfully different. I smile at passer-bys, as they look at me suspiciously. What has happened to this Steeped Tea?

I replay the situation in my head, consult my taste buds, and come to an exciting conclusion:

That last quarter cup they filled my cup with after adding the cream and sugar: it wasn't tea--it was COFFEE!

Holy brown cow this is tasty, I think. I felt like I was holding a classified, world-altering secret in my hand, and that anyone finding out about this might try to destroy it, because mixing tea and coffee has got to be a faux pas to the extreme. People wouldn't only frown upon it, they may revert back to the 5th century BC and stone me to death. I moved quickly through the halls, avoiding eye contact. I realized there was a small chance that the Tim Horton's employee might have realized her mistake and come running after me to apologize, only to see me smiling as I sip the hot beverage. Then, naturally, she would be furious that I would like such a liquid, and feel compelled to call her rich uncle to hire hit men to come silence me for all time. So I was late for class, doubling back and making sure no one had followed me. I seemed to be safe for now.

"Hey Josh," says Jenn, a wonderful girl in my class.

"Jenn, I have to tell you something. I just discovered the ninth world wonder!"

"Um....what's the 8th?"

"Well currently, there's a debate whether the 8th world wonder is in fact sliced bread, or whether it's me."

"I think it's probably sliced bread. What's this new number nine?"

And I proceeded to tell her the story of this phenomenal new drink. I would not share it with her, however, because I was sick.

She didn't immediate whip out a scythe and kill me, so I could take comfort in knowing that there are some people who won't be terribly offended by the monstrosity that is tea+coffee.

All that was left was do name this drink. Then I could market it to the masses. if the name was good enough, I believed that people wouldn't be angry about the sacrilegious product.

teCofee?
Coftee?
toffee?
coteafee?
glorp?

These suck. Darcy suggested something more psychologically appealing. And then I had it:

Mmm

Yes, that was it! What better marketing scheme than telling them how to react to my product before even tasting it! Hahaha! I could almost see the millions of dollars pouring into my bank account! When I tell them about my product, they'll be inclined to strangle me, but in the end, they'll put down their razor wire and snuggle up in front of a glowing fireplace, saying "Mmmm..."

So consider this my copyright notice. I introduce you to Mmm, the 3/4 tea, 1/4 coffee, cream and sugar drink that does not give you wings, it gives you a rocket pack. It is the best part of waking up. Just watch out for the hit men...

Spicy Song Of The Week

This one is a happy, summer song. I assure you that listening to this song will make it warmer this week. I'd forgotten just how grim it gets here, having spent a good chunk of the last winter in India. I broke out my super massive poofy green coat today:

I know. It's awesome. It also protects me from any pain when I'm biking to school and slip and fall on the ice. So with that, I present you a summer song:

Don't Look In Their Eyes

Stabilo

Happiness and Disaster

Break out the frizollie, and let's have a barbecue!

nothanksgiving

Reaaally?

We take a day to celebrate what we are thankful for by killing it, eating too much of it, and then passing out because all the blood has rushed to our stomach to provide us with enough energy to digest. Wow. That's really ceremonious. That's respectable.

Now I'm all for big meals and the family, but let's gain a little perspective on what it is we are doing this for. And if you say 'giving thanks' or 'remembering what we are grateful for', that has nothing to do with dead birds steaming on the table. Seriously people, you eat this much food because it tastes good. Anything else is just a stepping stone to that goal.

Is gluttony still one of those seven deadly sins?


I'd honestly rather not associate all over eating and steaming dead bird with being 'thankful'. There's better ways to show thanks. And while we're talking about thankful, someone enlighten me: what does that mean, 'to be thankful'? Who are you thanking?

If it's God, or some higher power, then I get it, I support that idea. You are thanking that higher power for all that he has given and done for you.

But, what of the staunch Athiests out there? Do they celebrate thanksgiving, or do they just stuff their faces for fun. If they do celebrate, how can the be thankful? It seems like that's just an opportunity for them to pat themselves on the back. "Thanks to ME for my job, thanks to ME for my friends, Thanks to ME for my health, since I look out for me."

In either situation, we can all be thankful for the other people in our life.

I guess I just don't get what people's perception of this holiday really is. I'm thankful I got paid triple time today, and that I get to spend the evening with family. But did we really need to wait until today to make it known what we value?

 All I'm saying is, go stuff your faces, and hang with family, but remember that's really all you're doing. Right?


Mmmm...mashed potatoessss.


PS, I'm not a holiday person.

Flying Lessons

I was randomly creeping my own facebook profile, and rediscovered this old gem of an album. Thought I'd share, in case anyone out there is in need of a chuckle. I hope you like it. If you don't, that's not okay.

Show me 'Flying Lessons'!

(captions are essential)

I encourage you to view this album in class, as it will be extremely distracting for your fellow students.

It wasn't me...was it?

This is Best Buy's Stock over the last two years. See that massive drop around november/december? That's when I started working there. See how it goes waaaay up in January? That's when I left.

ouch.